Proverbs 5:19 tells us that God wants married couples to be drunk with romantic, sexual, love for each other. But how is she wired for romance? Dr. Gary Rosberg, answers, No matter how many times I hear couples lament their differences in the counseling room, or at conferences, it is the same story. Men spell intimacy S-E-X, and women spell it T-A-L-K. (The Five Love Needs of Men and Women.)
Before connecting bodies, a wife usually wants to connect souls. She wants to talk because she wants to reveal what is on her heart and feel understood. This deep need of the feminine soul is identified by Peter, when he commands, “Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way….”
To help her feel understood, we need to ask questions and listen attentively to her answers, especially to the feelings behind the words. We need to speak back not to solve her problems but to communicate to her that we understand how she feels.
When it comes to everyday life, I find that asking, How was your day? tends to evoke a response of Fine—how was yours? which tends to end the discussion. So instead I say, Tell me about your day. If I sense some emotion behind what she is sharing, I try to remember to ask, How did that make you feel?
Here are some special questions to pose when you have a chance to connect more deeply: They will help your wife bare her soul to you and feel more in love with you.
What regular tasks in caring for the family do you dislike the most?
In which household tasks, do you feel most alone?
What concerns for our family are weighing most heavily on your heart?
Are there any fears that sometimes grip your heart?
What spiritual battles can I help you fight as I pray for you?
Before she reveals her body, she wants to reveal her heart (and know that she is still wanted and valued!). Let’s commit to meet this special need of her soul to feel understood by her lover. Peter seems to know a thing or two about marriage when he commands husbands to live with their wives in an understanding way!
