No man I know wants to fail at anything, but especially men don’t want to fail their families. So how do we get to the end of the race marked out for us and hear Jesus whisper in our ear, “I gave you these children to love, and you have loved them well?” The Apostle John gives us the secret to consistent, powerful, life-changing love for others. The man who knew Jesus the best wrote, “we love because he first loved us.” (1 John 4:19). How do we fill our tanks so consistently with God’s love for us, that we have an abundance of it to lavish on those we care most about? That is the question we seek to answer in this episode.
Today we begin a four-week fatherhood series, entitled Loving Our Kids with the Fatherly Love of God. You may not be a father or may be an empty nester father, but I’m confident the insight we did out of Scripture over the coming weeks will enrich both your understanding of God’s love for you and of how you love those around you. The Apostle, John, is called the Apostle of Love because love is the primary focus of his first NT letter. Those word from the 4th chapter again are, “We love BECAUSE God first loved us.” John’s thoughts must have drifted back to his memory of Jesus’ words the night before he died. Probably, standing in front of a grapevine, Jesus’ comments were so significant that John remembered them word for word and included them in his gospel. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing (John 15:5). “Spiritual fruit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, meekness, and self-control,” says Jesus, “is only produced in you, through your connection to me, by abiding (the Greek word is MENO), i.e. staying connected to me. Jesus would continue, “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. ABIDE in my love” (vs 5). The starting place for loving my kids (and my wife) is taking deep gulps of the refreshing love of God for ME. Let’s try to look at how abiding in God’s love through our personal relationship with him better enables us to love others.
RESULT OF CONFIDENCE IN THE FATHER’S LOVE FOR ME: OBSERVATIONS
- When I hear a sharp, critical word, I am less likely to immediately snap back at my wife with a counterattack. My self-esteem is less frail.
- I am a little less preoccupied with MYSELF, and more inclined to focus on what others need.
- I am less driven by my need for success—relaxed and better able to take in stride the inevitable obstacles to my completing my to-do list that otherwise make me frustrated and angry.
- I am less hungry for pleasure—spending money, eating too much sugar, illicit lust, demanding the right to relax on my timetable. John Piper says it well. One reason lust reigns in so many is that Christ has so little appeal. You were created to treasure Christ with all your heart—more than you treasure sex or sugar. If you have little taste for Jesus, competing pleasures will triumph. Plead with God for the satisfaction you don’t have. Quote Psalm 90:14, “Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love that we might rejoice and be glad all our days.” Then, look, look, LOOK at the most magnificent person in the universe until you see him the way he is. John Piper, Desiring God
- I default a little more in my free time to serving God’s goals—asking, “How can I use this next 30 minutes well? What is on God’s heart right now?”
- I am a little less preoccupied with MY FEELINGS—expressing them is vital for spiritual and emotional health—but I am more content listening right now.
- I am less angry and judgmental towards others when I see their failures. When I have been taking a daily shower, soaking in God’s unconditional love for me despite my sinful heart, that grace squeezes out judgmental arrogance and resentment towards other’s failures.
- I am less lazy; less mad at God for NOT making my life easy. I become less inclined to get frustrated with God for allowing the little things that go wrong in this fallen world to bother me and more inclined to smile inwardly at God’s relentless commitment to building Christ-like character in me—which can not happen without pain. God is too good a coach to let me be flabby. He makes me run wind sprints now—because his focus is game day—they day of Christ, when we will stand beside him, look back over the race we have run and find pleasure in every choice we made to demonstrated Christ-like attitudes.
HOW DO WE MORE FULLY ABIDE IN GOD’S LOVE?
A. Remember the costly love of God for you. The love displayed and dramatized in the book of Hosea is a love so rich, so pure, so deep, that no human love can mimic it. It is the unwavering, unconditional love we all need. In Hosea 1 God says to Hosea, “Go, take to yourself a wife of whoredom and have children of whoredom, for the land commits great whoredom by forsaking the Lord.” So he went and took Gomer, the daughter of Diblaim, and she conceived and bore him a son (vs 2-3). God’s message to Hosea is “I want you to marry a whore and to have children with her, to truly be a husband to her in every way, even though you know from the start that she will be unfaithful. Hosea, you and I are going to completely give ourselves to people who will completely reject us. You see, Hosea, I am a husband whose wife, Israel, is unfaithful to him. Unless you experience the same thing, you will never know how my love works. Once you have experienced this, you will proclaim my love to the world.”
Hosea marries Gomer, a woman whose heart is like a city without walls. With virtually no boundaries in place, she is defenseless against the pull of her whims. Gomer bears him two children, but Hosea names the third child, “Not Mine.” She was pregnant by another man. We then read in Hosea 3, The Lord said to me, “Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another man and is an adulteress. Love her as the Lord loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes.” So I bought her for fifteen shekels of silver and about a homer and a lethek of barley. Then I told her, “You are to live with me many days; you must not be a prostitute or be intimate with any man, and I will behave the same way toward you” (vs 1-3).
Hosea has to buy Gomer out of slavery, the technical term for which is redemption. After years of being used by men and then thrown out like a piece of garbage, she had sunk so low, economically, that she had become a slave. She has literally become a piece of property. She is up for sale in the marketplace, and we know what a terrible thing that was. Gomer is made to stand naked on the auction block in her degradation and shame. She hears men bidding for her, and to her amazement one of the voices is familiar. “Fifteen shekels, ten bushels of barley. Going once. Going twice, Sold to Hosea, son of Beeri.” Imagine what must have been going through her mind. Had he bought her to get revenge, to treat her harshly as his slave? He could do that because slaves were considered mere property. But instead, Hosea covers her nakedness, takes her hand in his, and leads her home—not to be the slave she deserved to be. Rather, he redeemed her out of her slavery and made her the object of his love, adoration, and devotion as his wife.
You and I are Gomer. We have gone whoring after god’s who promised to give us happiness and pleasure, especially the God of self. But instead, those Gods have enslaved us in shameful secret sins that degrade us and convince us that no one, least of all a holy God, could love us. Our false God’s have ravaged us and thrown us out like garbage. And yet, God loves us. His love for us never has and never will be rooted in our attractiveness. He loves us because…he loves us (Deut. 7:7-8). He has redeemed us out of slavery to sin and made us the object of his love adoration, and devotion. And the price he paid to redeem us was not 15 Shekels and 10 bushels of barley. In I Peter we read. For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. (1:18-19). God does not offer us a love that cost Him nothing. You are the object of God’s great affection, love, and delight! Why not thank him for loving you with such fierce, unconditional, costly love?
B. Remember God’s wide-open arms to you. Max Lucado tells the story of a desperate mom and her daughter Christina. He writes, “Maria knew exactly what her fifteen-year-old daughter, Christiana, would have to do for a living if she ever ran away from her village to the city. That is why her heart broke when she awoke one morning to find her daughter’s bed empty. Maria knew immediately where her daughter had gone and what she must do to find her. She threw some clothes in a bag, gathered all her money, and bought a bus ticket for Rio de Janeiro. She stopped by the drugstore to take as many pictures of herself as she could afford. Maria visited every hotel night-club, or bar where prostitutes hung out. At each place she left her picture—taped on a bathroom mirror, tacked to a hotel bulletin board, fastened to a corner phone booth. On the back of each photo she wrote a note. But before long, Maria was out of photos and money. So, broken hearted, she returned home.
A few weeks late, young Christiana descended the hotel stairs. Her young face was tired. Her big brown eyes no longer danced with the laughter of youth, but spoke of pain and fear. Her dream had become a nightmare. She longed to trade these countless beds for the secure pallet of her bedroom at home. But the little village was in too many ways too far away. As she reached the bottom of the stairs, her eyes noticed a familiar face. She looked again and there on the lobby mirror was a small picture of her mother. Christiana’s eyes blurred with tears as she crossed the room and removed the small photo. Written on the back was this compelling invitation: “Whatever you have done, whatever you have become, it doesn’t matter. Please come home.” She did. Remember these words from Jesus’ parable of the prodigal son, But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him (Lk 15:20). You can never out-sin God’s willingness to forgive you when you turn back to him! Confidence that we are clothed in the righteousness of Christ is foundational for abiding in God’s unconditional love!
C. Practice thankfulness. The emphasis upon thankfulness in the NT is striking:
- Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. (Col 3:5).
- Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful (Col 4:2).
- Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful (Heb 12:28).
- Always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ (Eph 5:20).
It is sobering to realize how much a grateful heart matters to God. Listen to these words of judgement upon Israel from Moses, Since you did not serve the Lord your God with joy and a cheerful heart, in gratitude for the abundance of all things, you will serve your enemies whom the Lord will send against you, in hunger, thirst, nakedness, and devoid of all things; and He will put an iron yoke on your neck until He has destroyed you. (Deut 28:47-48).
D. Choose to take pleasure in God. Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart (Ps 37:4). This is the command to find pleasure, i.e. give yourself joy in the Lord. Delighting in the Lord is identifying and praising the perfections of God, his holiness, justice, love, power, might, etc. There is a real parallel between lovers delighting in and drawing near to each other and us drawing near to God, our lover, to gaze upon his beauty, adoring him in worship. David said, One thing I have asked from the Lord, that I shall seek: That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord. (Ps 27:4).
E. Accept the challenge of strengthening your faith muscles whenever circumstances make you doubt God’s love for you or the goodness of his character. Job’s challenge stands for all who have come after him—though he slay me, yet will I trust him. Here is something I’ve learned about God’s nature—trusting him matters greatly to him. In Hebrews 11:6, we read, Without faith it is impossible to please God. Peter tells us how precious faith is in God’s economy, now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ (1 Pet 1:6-7). Some years ago, my best friend, Rick, told me a story that helped me understand our heavenly father’s desire for us to trust him.
Rick was mad. He and his six-year-old had climbed all the way to the top of the sliding board at the water park. But then, Michael looked down the slide, and stopped dead in his tracks. “Michael trust me, it will be okay. It’s safe. You won’t get hurt. Close your eyes if you have to. Come on, you can do it. Go!” But Michael would not budge.
“Michael, trust me, I’m your father. I wouldn’t let anything harmful happen to you.” But Michael refused to go down. The two of them had to climb all the way back down the ladder. Later, Rick remarked, “I was so angry that Michael refused to trust me, but then I realized I am the same way, refusing to trust God.” Tough circumstances that God could allow us to escape but chooses not to are a TEST of our TRUST in him. The muscles of our faith can be developed no other way. This courageous approach to life by accepting every tough circumstance as a challenge of our faith is one of the distinctive (but tough) marks of a Christian. But this is the life Paul calls us to! Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Thes 5:16). This is one of the best NT descriptions of what it means to “abide in Christ.”
We love because our love tanks have been filled up by Christ. May we lavishly give that love away to those God has put in our lives who need it!
For Further Prayerful Thought
- How would you try to persuade a Christian friend that we need to take be taking regular big gulps of God’s love ourselves in order to be able to love our wife or kids consistently over the long haul?
- How can knowing that you are delighted in by God free you from being preoccupied with what others think?
- Which of the 5 ways to more fully abide in God’s love is the one you need most to focus on in the weeks ahead?
Our Daughters and the Transgender Craze: Responding with Grace and Truth—48 page mini-book now in our bookstore.
In 2018, my denomination, the Presbyterian Church in America published a book I wrote to equip parents and church leaders to celebrate God’s gender design while loving those in the LGBTQ life well. It was entitled, Anchoring Your Child to God’s Truth in a Gender-Confused Culture: Helping Our Children Embrace Their Calling to Godly Manhood or Womanhood, and a special edition was published by D. James Kennedy Ministries. Unfortunately, in the last 5 years since compiling the research for this book, there has been an unprecedented explosion in teen girls coming out as transgender, including many from our churches. These teen girls are experiencing a new category of transgender dysphoria never diagnosed in girls before 2007 called rapid-onset gender dysphoria.
Our ministry put together this 48-page mini book to equip parents, grandparents, youth leaders, and elders to understand the world in which our daughters live, providing 1) a clear picture of what is happening, 2) biblical perspective on this phenomenon, 3) a strategy to reduce the likelihood that our own daughters or granddaughters will embrace a transgender identity, 4) practical suggestions for loving those in the LGBTQ life well, and 5) a game plan for being light to the secular world in the fields of pediatric medicine, public education, government policy, and women’s athletics. This 48-page mini book is only sold in our online store as a KEEP 1/GIVE 1 WAY TWO PACK, GRANDPARENTS FIVE PACK, or SMALL GROUP STUDY EIGHT PACK. This booklet overlaps about 95% with the material from last month’s May series Gloriously Feminine.
