Husband, have you ever considered that when your wife said, “Yes” to your proposal to marry you, she took a huge leap of faith? She entrusted the care of her feminine heart to YOU!
She chose to trust YOU ALONE to be the one human in all creation to meet the deep yearnings of her heart that only her husband can fill—the craving for a soul mate with whom she can share all the secrets of her heart and know she is still loved—the yearning to know that despite her flaws she is the delight of her husband’s heart, cherished, enjoyed, needed, desired by him—the need to feel protected, provided for, secure, so that her beautiful feminine nature can flourish and bring beauty to your world. She trusted the deepest yearnings of her feminine heart to you more than any other human. How have you done with that trust?
MOST OF US MEN would say “Not well.” We usually don’t have a clue what the emotions even ARE that inhabit her heart; much less do we KNOW HOW TO MEET HER HEART’S NEEDS. As I say in our seminars, “We men don’t even have a vocabulary for all those complicated feelings. Men are simple. We only have four basic emotions —horny, hungry, angry….horny again.”
I have a sneaky suspicion that God deliberately rigged our wives so they are impossible for husbands to figure out. Then he set the bar impossibly high! “Husbands, love your wives AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH.” What? Me? Like Jesus? What a radical demand is made of Christian husbands!
Such an extreme command forces us to a crossroads—only two choices.
The first is to lower the bar. After all, we provide materially for her and would take a bullet for her—but trying to understand what she needs from us emotionally and spiritually—it’s just too difficult and takes way too much effort. All of us have thought we understood what was going on inside her, said something in response, and gotten our head bitten off. It’s just not worth it. A little part of us begins to harden. We’re not abusive; we go along to get along. And our treatment of her is probably better than average.
But the dust of the ordinary has settled over our wedding picture in the hallway. Subtly, the defining word for the job we are doing of loving our wives becomes, “mediocre.” The bar has slipped and slipped.
But there is the other response. It is to throw our hands up in despair just as forcefully…but to then get on our knees, admit to God that we simply can’t love this woman with agape love in our own strength, and ask God to love her through us. “My grace is sufficient for you,” says our LORD, “for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
Here’s to setting the bar high again and then getting on our knees—six pictures of what her feminine heart needs (as best this struggling husband has figured out.)
1. Be her SOUL MATE—actively listen to her heart. “You husbands dwell with your wives in an understanding way.” I Peter 3:7
2. Be her PARTNER—help her carry her load at home. “Be servants to one another in love.” Galatians 5:13b
3. Be the HEAD OF HER HOME—accept responsibility for leading your family. “FATHERS do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Eph. 6:4
4. Be her BIGGEST FAN—praise her daily. “Her husband also praises her, ‘Many women do noble things but you surpass them all.’” Prov. 31:28b-29
5. Be her KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR—romance her. “Rejoice in the wife of your youth.” Prov.5:19
6. Be her PROTECTOR—keep her from being harmed from destructive emotions like worry & fear. "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life.” I. Peter 3:7
As you fill her heart with affirmation, affection, understanding, encouragement, and love, making her feel protected, nurtured, and cherished, don’t be surprised if you see her romantic desires bubble to the surface. She can’t help but love you back.
But more satisfying will be your hope that one day you will look into the eyes of the God who entrusted the heart of a lovely young woman to YOUR CARE and to hear from his lips, “Well done good and faithful servant.”
