Every Christian husband and father wants to succeed in being the spiritual leader of his home, so we have been studying how to maximize our impact in leading others to spiritual maturity, whether we are husbands, dads, or small group, church, or another kind of spiritual leader. Today, we cover the most neglected step of leadership, one that takes our leadership impact from mediocre to excellent. This third step is EQUIPPING followers to grow into mature disciples.
We’ve been studying a diagram called Spiritual Leadership is Influence seen above. Effective leadership requires that 1) the leader must FOCUS/MODEL the goal of spiritual maturity as Christ’s disciple in his own life (depicted by the orange arrow), 2) that he BUILD a strong caring RELATIONSHIP with his followers (green arrow) and 3) that he EQUIP and ASSIST his followers reach the goal of spiritual maturity (brown arrow).
Even if a leader is good at these first two—modeling the values of his organization, and building relationships with his followers—he will still fail, if he just challenges his team to reach the goal without equipping them with what they need to reach it. For example, the reason for this podcast is my belief that we, who are church leaders, tend to just tell men they are to be the spiritual leaders of their homes without EQUIPPING them to do so, i.e. explaining in practical terms what that means and then providing the inspiration and training required to do it. Similarly, a football coach can say after losing the game, “We didn’t tackle well.” But that is a far cry from studying the game film to determine why, reviewing everything he knows about good tackling, and putting together some new tackling drills to train his team to improve their tackling skills. Church leaders can simply tell husbands to love their wives as Christ loved his bride, the church, or get them resources that show them HOW to do that. Parents can just make sure their teens know that sex before marriage is wrong, or they can equip them with an overview of the glory of sexuality, why the intimacy of sexual union needs to be protected inside the covenant of marriage, how destructive sex becomes when taken outside of marriage, and how to be wise about sexual temptation, while dating.
The word, equip, means, to provide what is needed for service or action. The Greek word, KATARTIZO, was commonly used to describe the process of getting fishing nets fully functioning so they worked! The leader gets his team members whatever they need to be successful in reaching the goal. The leader is all about helping those under his care reach their full potential. For those who have been with us for a while on the podcast, does this calling to help those around you flourish, reaching their full potential remind you of another biblical text?
In Genesis 2:15 we are told that Adam is put into the garden (world) to work it, which means to cultivate it, to cause the garden and those in it, Eve, future children, civilization to reach its full potential. The calling of manhood is to spend ourselves, providing what our wives, our children, our workers, our clients—our culture—need to flourish. Godly leadership and the call to masculinity overlap 100% at this point. Our job is to develop the potential of those under our care. In the case of spiritual leadership, we are to provide what our followers need to thrive as disciples of Christ. There are too many ways that parents need to equip their kids to cover in just today’s podcast. For example, one vital way to equip our kids for success is firm discipline, because it trains a child to say “no” to himself, creating self-control that will benefit him his entire life. (We cover child discipline on the June 28, July 3, and July 4 blog posts.) Another requirement for followers to reach the goal of spiritual maturity is to help them make Christian friends and be in a small group Bible study. Scripture is clear that spiritual growth requires discussing the intersection of our lives and biblical teaching with brothers and sisters in Christ.
Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love (Eph 4:15-16).
Three Primary Ways for Men to Help Those Under Their Spiritual Care to Thrive
A. Teach them the Word of God. Scripture is the ultimate equipping tool for growing to spiritual maturity. 2 Tim 3:16 tell us, All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, EQUIPPED for every good work. Those we lead, especially our children, need to build their lives upon the truth of God. In Deuteronomy 6, I believe God lays out four steps for parents to follow to teach the Word of God to their children for maximum impact: Let’s look into the text to see what they are: vs 5-8.
1) You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might (vs 5). Life-changing teaching of Scripture begins in our own hearts with our love for God. We must begin here, so that our children never think that we are keeping God’s Law to earn his love or because we fear condemnation. The 10 Commandments were given to Israel AFTER they have been freed from slavery to Egypt (symbolic for slavery to sin.) The moral law of God was never given for Israel or us to earn God’s love or to work our way to freedom from sin. Rather, it was given as a guide to show us how respond to HIS love with OUR love. Out of love for our God, out of delight and confidence in his goodness, we trust that his law is for our benefit. Although we must battle our sinful nature, our desire to be obedient grows out of our love for God, which grows out of his love for us. Counselors, Henry Cloud and John Townsend point out, When we finally understand that God isn’t mad at us anymore we become free to concentrate on love and growth instead of trying to appease him (How People Grow). So, teaching biblical truth for maximum impact begins with our own love for God.
2) And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart (vs 6). There is a natural flow from loving God with all our being to having his Word on our hearts, so that we can obey it. In this text, God is saying what Jesus would later repeat, In John 14:6, If you love me, you will keep my commandments. Psalm 119:11 says, I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you. Devotion to obeying Scripture is not legalism; it is the proper expression of love for the God who first loved us. Jesus taught that the mark of his kingdom people is hungering and thirsting for righteousness (Matt 5:6). This second step of the four-step process of teaching Scripture is consistent with the principle that we lead from our own lives. My devotion to the Word, so that I have it on my own heart is necessary prerequisite for my followers to take it seriously and shape their lives a by it.
3) You shall teach these words diligently to your children (vs 7) The Hebrew word for teach is from the word used for sealing a letter with an official seal. It means imprint. It pictures rote memorization. Wise parents today see this biblical principle in this foundational text in Deuteronomy 6 for covenant families: Do not neglect the importance of anchoring your child to Go’s truth through memorizing catechism questions and/or Scripture verses. Today there is a welcome return to valuing the place of catechisms with the Gospel Coalition publication of The New City Catechism, and The New City Catechism for Kids. Beyond catechisms, helping your child memorize key passages of Scripture is indisputably one of the best investments in your child’s soul that you could ever make. Joshua 1:8 comes to mind: This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success. So the third step of teaching Scripture for life impact is the hard work of impressing it upon the brain, i.e. memorizing it.
4) and you shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. The reason to have the Word on our hearts is so we can meditate on it during the day so we can teach it to our children all through the day, applying it to everyday life. Every dad wants his family to be successful, especially from an eternal perspective. To EQUIP our children for life, there is no better tool than the Word of God:
Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he propspers (Psalm 1:1-3).
B. The second way we need to help those under our care to thrive spiritually is: Affirm their masculinity or femininity. One of the defining characteristics of our age is the attack of our culture upon God’s design of humans as male and female, resulting in much confusion in the hearts of our children about gender roles and their own gender identity. Even feminists recognize this attack upon masculinity. Christina Hoff Summers, in her book, The War Against Boys, writes,
This book tells the story of how it has become fashionable to attribute pathology to millions of healthy male children. It is the story of how we are turning against boys and forgetting a simple truth: That the energy, competitiveness, and corporal daring of normal, decent males is responsible for much of what is right in this world. No one denies that boys’ aggressive tendencies must be checked and channeled in constructive ways. Boys need discipline, respect, and moral guidance. Boys need love and tolerant understanding. They do not need to be pathologized.
To help today’s parents learn what the culture is saying about sexuality and gender, and then be EQUIPPED TO GUIDE their children with a loving, winsome biblical response, I wrote a book entitled, Anchoring Your Child to Gods Truth in a Gender-Confused Culture: Helping Your Children Embrace Their Calling to Godly Manhood or Womanhood. It is available at Amazon in printed or Kindle formats. Adam and Eve were intentionally created differently so they could complete each other and together in their love for one another image the triune God. There is, therefore, no such thing as an androgynous disciple of Christ.
C. The third way spiritual leaders must equip those under their care is: Help them discover their unique design and gifts. Doing this helps them overcome two problems that dominate the life of teenagers: feelings of worthlessness, and craving acceptance from others, resulting in slavery to peer pressure. Parents need to give them a strong self-identity in two ways:
1) By helping them see that they were perfectly designed by God. Rick Warren, in his book, Purpose Driven Life, gives us the message they need to hear:
You were planned for God’s pleasure. The moment you were born into the world, God was there as an unseen witness, smiling at your birth. He wanted you alive and your arrival gave him great pleasure. God did not need to create you, but he chose to create you for his own enjoyment. You exist for his benefit, his glory, his purpose, and his delight. Bringing enjoyment to God, living for his pleasure, is the first purpose of your life. When you fully understand this truth, you will never again have a problem with feeling insignificant. It proves your worth. If you are that important to God, and he considers you valuable enough to keep with him for eternity, what greater significance could you have?
2) The second way we need to help them escape their slavery to peer pressure is: By helping them discover their uniqueness gifts and talents so they can link them to God’s purpose for them. Paul explains that we were designed for specific good works. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them (Eph 2:10). A major part of our parenting role includes helping our children discover their unique design, celebrate it with them, and help them see how God could use them in unique ways for his kingdom. Here is a partial list of some gift and personality inventories that I’ve seen help believers see their uniqueness.
- Spiritual gift inventories
- Myers Briggs Type Indicator (personality indicator)
- The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman (see Children’s version)
I want to say again that dads can be committed to Christ, and care pretty well for their kids, (completing steps 1 and 2 of the leadership diagram) but miss the strategic opportunity they have to empower their children for kingdom impact by focusing upon developing their children’s unique potential. John Maxwell writes:
Nineteenth-century British statesman William Gladstone asserted, “he is a wise man who wastes no energy on pursuits for which he is not fitted; and he is wiser still who from among the things he can do well, chooses and resolutely follows the best.” Most people don’t have a natural knack for spotting their greatest areas of potential. They need help doing it, especially as they begin growing and striving to reach their potential. And that’s why it’s important for you to become a mentor in the lives of the people you desire to help.
There is no more noble calling than the calling to invest yourself, your time, energy, and resources to help another reach his or her full potential. That is the call to godly leadership. That is the call to manhood (avad, what Adam was placed in the garden to do.) That is the call to be a hero-maker. That is the call to deny self but to set your focus on making someone else great. Answering this call is costly. But it is the mark of all great leaders. Here are six ways to help those under our care reach their fullest potential:
- Clearly See Their Potential, Yourself. Find their passion, identify their gifts, visualize what they are capable of.
- Cast a Vision for Their Future. Help them see their potential and possibilities. Helen Keller said, One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar.
- Tap into Their Passion. If financially supporting their family were not an issue what would they most like to do using their gifts to change the world?
- Set Their Focus on Godly Character. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
- Focus on Their Strengths. Sharpen skills that already exist. Bring out the gifts inherent in them. Weaknesses can wait unless they are character flaws.
- Put Resources in Their Hands. As you pray for them to prosper, find resources that can help them sharpen their character or skill set.
The third step of leadership is becoming hero-makers. It is EQUIPPING. It is affirming, mentoring, and cheering those under our care into greatness. It is helping them reach their full potential for kingdom impact and for giving pleasure to the one who perfectly designed them for such impact, before the foundation of the world.
For Further Prayerful Thought:
1. What do you think is the hardest thing about being designed (Genesis 2:15) to help those around you reach their fullest potential?
2. Of the 6 ways to help others flourish, which are hardest for you?
