To those of you who have the privilege of being fathers, Happy Fathers’ Day. I want to begin this episode with a question: What do you think of the prayer, “God forgive us for aiming too low and hitting the target every time?” Do you want to go through life aiming low so you can hit the standard of mediocrity? Is that what you want the defining word for your life to be, mediocre? "He was a mediocre father. His commitment to Jesus was…mediocre." If you receive this blog, I doubt very much that mediocre is the adjective that you want describing the caliber of your commitment to godly fatherhood.
To aim low, when it comes to our efforts to guide our sons into godly manhood is to fail them and to fail the Lord. Toxic, self-centered, masculinity is real in this world; it has harmed countless women. Its only cure is the gospel of Jesus Christ, which transforms. If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come (2 Cor 5:17). Answering Jesus’ call to Christian men to show the world his power to fix broken manhood, restoring it to its self-sacrificing design, has never been more important. This episode examines the very high bar of what God designed manhood to be and calls us to pursue it.
Let’s take a moment to review where we’ve come in this June series. In the first episode, we examined the rising popularity of kick-boxing champion Andrew Tate among Christian teen guys as evidence that many in the rising generation of males are tired of being emasculated. With no positive vision of manhood that matches their masculine shape, many boys and men turn to online gurus who assure them, contrary to the message they get everywhere else, that their masculinity is good. The attraction of Christian teens to the broken masculinity of Andrew Tate should be a wake-up call to the church. If the church does not challenge our boys with a call to biblical manhood, they will be attracted to broken ones. To better understand the crisis of identity that young men face today, we identified five obstacles to them embracing the biblical call to godly masculinity.
Obstacle #1: the damage men have done to women by using their positions of power and authority to exploit them. Masculinity would not be under such severe attack if there weren’t so many women harmed by toxic expressions of it.
Obstacle #2: cultural Marxism being spread by Western colleges and universities, which views life through the lens of all men being oppressors.
Obstacle #3: the culture’s embrace of egalitarianism, which defines all structures of authority as oppressive and advances the deception that requiring submission to a boss, police officer, coach, or parent is demeaning (which we all know is not).
Obstacle #4: voices in the church retooling old arguments that attempt to label Paul’s teaching, if not all of the Bible, to be corrupted by surrounding culture, and not God’s inerrant truth.
Obstacle #5: the silence of complementarian church leaders who may express cultural sensitivity to unpopular biblical worldviews in preaching but who might not realize the devasting impact their silence is having on the rising generation of young men who cannot succeed in traveling through the cultural onslaught we just identified without the help of the church.
Last week, we began with Jesus’ observation that those who ignore God’s Word, building their lives instead upon a foundation of cultural lies, (e.g. about gender and sexuality), build their lives on a foundation of sand—something that as fathers, we must not let our children do. God has ordained that society itself is built upon the foundation of the family, and the family rests upon the foundation of marriage between one man and one woman, the first institution established by God before the church or civil government. The foundation of marriage rests upon the uniting of two different creatures, male and female, whose differences, God went out of his way to emphasize in Genesis 2. We noted last week that God chose an intentional parallel structure to describe his creation of Adam, and Eve:
- The creation of Adam begins with an explanation of why he was needed. When…there was no man to work the ground then the Lord God formed the man (Gen 2:5-6). Adam is made FOR the ground. The creation of Eve begins with an explanation of why she was needed, Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Eve is created FOR Adam, to be his companion and lover.
- Adam is given a name that means ground (ADAMAH). Eve is given a name that means out of the man (Gen 2:23). The word for male is ISH the word for woman is ISHAH.
- Adam is made from the ground (Gen 2:7). Eve is made from the man. She, unlike any other creature, is fashioned from part of another creature—the rib of Adam (Gen 2:21-22).
- Adam’s creation calling is to work the ground (Gen 2:9-15). Eve’s creation calling is to assist the man (Gen 2:18, 20).
- When Adam sins, what is cursed is the ground (Gen 3:17). When Eve sins, what is cursed is her relationship with the man & his kids.
God created very different scripts for Adam and Eve. But our kids are swimming every day in polluted cultural waters that deny male-female differences and are flooding into the church undermining the difference in roles assigned to Christian husbands and wives—roles that lead to a flourishing marriage and portray Christ and his relationship with his bride, the church.
THE MANHOOD SCRIPT
Excerpts from Chapter 2, Men Helping Sons Embrace Biblical Manhood.
(Remember that questions for the adult and son to interact with each other are sprinkled all through each chapter in the book, which are left out of this excerpt.)
Godly manhood is a calling. Christ wants to redeem every Christian man’s fallen, self-centered masculinity and restore him to the original design God displayed in creating unfallen Adam as a male. Christ came to fix everything broken in this world, including masculinity. In the Second Adam, men are empowered to become the Christ-like man Adam was designed to be. This chapter looks at that man.
A. Adam is placed in the garden to cause it and its inhabitants to flourish. In Genesis 2:15 we are told that Adam is put into the garden to work it (ESV). The Hebrew word is avad, which is also translated cultivate. It means to make fruitful, to cause to reach its full potential. Adam is to provide what the garden (which includes its inhabitants—his wife, kids, and clients) needs to thrive. Men may want to be heroes, ourselves, but Scripture says that successful manhood is measured by the degree to which we are hero-makers. Remember Jesus’ words, “Whoever would be great among you must be your servant.” Life reinforces this truth. Successful businessmen serve their customers well. Successful coaches help their players reach their full potential. Effective managers equip those they lead to be the best they can be.
1. When it comes to providing materially for the family, Scripture makes clear that Eve fully shares Adam’s mandate to build culture through vocation and that her gifts are required for the economic success of the family. However, Adam is assigned the primary responsibility for providing what his family needs, materially, to flourish. Eve loves by nourishing, i.e. the giving of herself. But Adam is more specifically assigned to cultivate the garden. i.e. provide from one part of the garden what another part needs (e.g. water in the garden to irrigate the pear tree, pears from the garden to feed humans, etc.) This refers to a man’s vocation. Scripture says God created us with specific work in mine.
2. Adam’s call to provide also means supplying what his loved ones need emotionally to flourish. Here are a few ways to fill their tanks:
- Listen with understanding. Christian counselor Paul Tournier observes, “No one can develop freely in this world and find a full life without feeling understood by at least one person. Perhaps that is why Peter commanded; Husbands live together with your wives in an understanding way.
- Use words to affirm. When Jesus began his ministry, he heard the audible voice of his heavenly father say the two things every son and daughter most want to hear from their fathers; I love you and I’m proud of you. “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.”
- Cultivate compassion. Jesus wins our hearts as the Great High Priest who sympathizes with our struggles. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are. Jesus was known for his compassionate heart.
3. Adam’s call is also to provide what his wife and children need spiritually to reach their full spiritual potential. In Ephesians 5:25-27, Paul challenges husbands to sacrifice themselves to present their brides to God as spiritually beautiful, without spot or wrinkle. A man is also to provide what his sons and daughters need to thrive spiritually. Such a calling is clear in Genesis18:19 when God says, For I have chosen him (Abraham), that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice. In the NT, Paul reflects this same understanding of the creation calling of fathers when he says, For you know how, like a father with his children, we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God. God makes husbands and fathers responsible for their families’ spiritual growth.
We know that leading requires being out in front, So, we have great incentive to follow hard after Jesus, so we can lead from our lives. But remember, spiritual leadership is not so much perfection as it is direction. Effective spiritual leaders still fall, and our families are well aware of that fact. But effective leaders get back up quickly heading back in the same direction—following Jesus.
B. Adam is placed into the garden to protect it. Genesis 2:15 continues, The LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and KEEP it. The Hebrew word is shamar, which also means to guard, watch-over, and protect. The word is used of soldiers, shepherds, priests, custodians, and government officials. Rick Phillips writes, “This calling to keep rounds out the masculine mandate of the Bible. A man is not only to wield the plow but also to bear the sword. Being God’s deputy lord in the garden, Adam was not only to make it fruitful but to keep it safe” (The Masculine Mandate).
To appreciate this aspect of Adam’s calling, we Westerners must think outside our own culture, where birth control is widespread and infant mortality is low. In God’s design, the female in this male/female union is the one to bear children. In most historical settings, she would continually be pregnant during her child-bearing years. How perfect is God’s design for her partner to have the calling and ability to be her provider (avad) and protector (shamar), when her special calling to motherhood makes her especially vulnerable throughout much of her adult life.
1. Men are called to protect their families physically. On July 14th, 2024, Army Reserve Veteran and volunteer firefighter, Corey Comperatore, was sitting in the bleachers behind the podium at a political rally with his wife, Helen, and daughter, Allyson. As the speaker, Donald Trump, turned his head to look at the screen on his right, Comperatore heard the crack of a rifle. He immediately dove on top of his wife and daughter. After the ensuing chaos, as Helen and Allyson pushed out from under Corey, they discovered that one of the bullets had fatally hit him. His obituary includes these words:
"Corey's life was a reflection of his faith. He was a man of God who loved Jesus with every fiber of his being. His actions were guided by his unwavering belief and he inspired those around him to live with purpose and grace. His ability to lift the spirits of everyone he encountered was unparalleled. His courage was not the boisterous kind; it was the courage of quiet resilience, the strength to be vulnerable, and the bravery to lead with love. Corey's legacy is not just in the major milestones he achieved but in the small acts of kindness that marked his everyday life."
2. Men are called to protect their families from destructive ideas. Ideas have consequences; bad ideas have victims. Here are some examples of evil ideas resulting historically in great suffering.
- Whites are superior to blacks—racism, slavery and segregation.
- Males are superior to females—infanticide of baby girls.
- The Arian race is superior—Nazism’s holocaust slaughter of 6 million Jews.
- The wealthy are rich because they stole the poor’s share of the pie—Marxism’s Slaughter of over 85 million people.
Because ideas have such consequences, Paul makes clear that spiritual leaders must protect their followers from destructive ideas that can enslave them, just as the above evil ideas have enslaved their adherents. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ. Here are a few false, anti-biblical worldviews in our culture.
- Humanism: The elevation of the welfare of humans and opinions of humans to the highest level of importance, in disregard of God.
- Egalitarianism: A denial of the God’s creation of marriage roles and authority structure for the home and church. It is based on the false notion that anyone commanded to submit to authority is inferior to the one assigned authority
- Moral Relativism: The belief that truth, morality, and other values are culturally determined, and that absolute right and wrong do not exist.
- Naturalism: The denial of the truth that the order of the creation points logically to an orderer from outside of creation, a creator to whom humans are accountable for their actions.
3. Men are also called to protect their families from spiritual attacks, which Adam failed to do. The ESV Study Bible points out: “The man’s role is to be not only a gardener but also a guardian. As a priest, he is to maintain the sanctity of the garden.” Adam was standing right next to Eve when she was tempted. He remained silent, passive. The ESV study notes continue, “Adam’s sin was both an act of conscious rebellion against God and a failure to carry out his divinely ordained responsibility to guard or ‘keep’ (Gen. 2:15) both the garden and the woman created as a ‘helper fit for him.’” A big part of protecting our family members, spiritually, is praying for them. Jesus said to Peter, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.
C. Adam is called to leave his home to pursue his wife. After God reveals the first two parts of Adam’s masculine calling in Genesis 2:15 and explains Eve’s creation in verses 18-23, God wraps up Adam’s calling with regards to Eve, specifically. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. He is one who pursues her.
1. Pursuing her means we are the initiator; she is the responder. C.S. Lewis noted, “God is so masculine that all of creation is feminine in comparison,” meaning that God is the initiator and creation answers by coming into existence. Manhood initiates in the pursuit of a woman. We risk rejection by asking her out, asking her to dance, and eventually asking her to be our wives. She decides how she will respond. The world of classic dance understands the creation design. A great male dancer leads; a great female dancer knows how to seamlessly follow.
2. We pursue her to pour out our love for her. We all know Paul’s command to husbands: Love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. The Greek word for “love” is agape, which describes, sacrificial, loyal, fierce, undeterred devotion. This is the call to manhood—the relentless sacrifice of ourselves for the sake of another. Love is a choice not a feeling. When we love her no matter what we are feeling, putting our arms around her even when she has just hurt or disappointed us, we make it easy for her to love us back. God created a woman to be a natural responder.
The best preparation for marriage is for a man to learn to love others with this agape (self-sacrificial) love. Paul gives us a concrete picture of it. This love of which I speak is slow to lose patience—it looks for a way of being constructive. It is not possessive: it is neither anxious to impress nor does it cherish inflated ideas of its own importance. Love has good manners and does not pursue selfish advantage. It is not touchy. It does not keep account of evil or gloat over the wickedness of other people. On the contrary, it is glad with all good men when truth prevails (1 Cor 13:4-7).
D. Men are called to strength. At the end of King David’s life, he summoned his son to his bedside and said: Be strong, and show yourself a man, and keep the charge of the Lord your God, walking in his ways and keeping his statutes, his commandments, his rules, and his testimonies that you may prosper in all that you do and wherever you turn. At the close of Paul’s letter to the church at Corinth he wrote, Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. The Apostle John, addresses subgroups of people in the church praising the young men for their strength. I write to you, young men, because you are strong, and the word of God abides in you, and you have overcome the evil one. Neither David, nor Paul, nor John was talking about working out. They refer to inner strength of character and fighting a spiritual battle. Solomon is challenged by his father to faithful, unwavering obedience to God’s Word. Paul challenges the men in the Corinthian church to be strong warriors in the spiritual battle, being watchful and unrelenting in raising the shield of faith. John commends the young men for being strong spiritual warriors in combatting The Evil One.
Men, here is a portrait of manhood as it was designed to be. Let's lead our sons to join us in setting the bar high, showing the power of Christ to restore broken manhood because in doing so, we show Jesus, the perfect man, to the world. Jesus is worthy of the best effort we can offer him.
For Further Prayerful Thought:
- Why not go easy on ourselves and set the bar of masculinity that we live out low. After all, who likes to serve and sacrifice for others?
- When you consider that the first call of manhood is to sweat so others prosper and die to ourselves so that others flourish, does that inspire a sense of noble calling or inner resistance to living a life of sacrifice for others?
- Which component of the call to protect loved ones from destructive ideas, stood out most to you. How can you do a better job with such protection?
- Since men want to be strong, why does the call to spiritual strength given by David, Paul, and John not inspire Christian men better to be spiritual warriors?
