This article take a close look at the way that sin has corrupted God’s glorious design of sex not only so we can recognize that corruption in our own hearts but also to know how God wants to fix our broken sexual desires through the power of Christ in us.
A useful lens that Christians have put over redemptive history is that of creation (God’s good original design), fall (mankind’s decision to sin, accomplished by Adam, the representative head of our race), and redemption/restoration (God’s act of grace to set free his people from sin’s slavery and restore them and the world to wholeness.) So, today, we look at the impact of the fall on sexuality. Perhaps, because the sexual union of husband and wife points to Christ’s love for us as our bridegroom, Satan seems especially committed to dishonoring Christ by polluting human sexuality. Let’s look at four ways sin has corrupted the sexual nature of men and women and then three implications—what that means for us—in our battle to manage our sexuality for Christ’s honor.
1. Fallen man takes NAKEDNESS outside the confines of marriage. Our bodies are not dirty or shameful; they are private. They are to be shared with one other person alone, our mate, only after he or she has made a public vow to love us, unconditionally. Without that covenant of marriage surrounding total exposure, nakedness is ruinous. Public nakedness destroys the souls of porn stars, but even the teen practice of sexting is damaging. Biblically, public nakedness was a great shame: In judgement upon God’s people, he said to them, Your nakedness shall be uncovered, and your disgrace shall be seen (Isaiah 47:3). The same judgement is articulated in the prophet, Nahum. Behold, I am against you, declares the Lord of hosts, and will lift up your skirts over your face; and I will make nations look at your nakedness and kingdoms at your shame (Nahum 3:5).
The problem with porn is not just that it generates sinful lust. It is fundamentally evil to gaze upon a woman’s nakedness, unless you are a doctor, mortician, or her husband. It is equally wrong for her to reveal her nakedness in public. In Genesis 9, two of Noah’s sons, Shem and Japeth, are commended for refusing to gaze upon their father’s nakedness, while Ham is cursed for inviting his brothers to do so….So, fallen man takes nakedness outside of marriage.
2. The second way that sin has polluted our sexual nature is that fallen man takes SEX outside the confines of marriage. Confining sex to marriage in this culture sounds archaic. But we disregard God’s design for sex at our own peril. Paul’s words are clear, For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality (1 Thes 4:3). The term sexual immorality (PORNEIA) refers to sexual involvement with anyone other than your opposite-sex spouse. Sexual involvement is not just a reference to intercourse but to oral sex and sexual touching. The biblical standard is reflected in Ezekiel’s metaphor for Jerusalem’s whoring after a false god. They became prostitutes in Egypt, engaging in prostitution from their youth. In that land their breasts were fondled and their virgin bosoms caressed (Ezekiel 23:3).
Some in our culture reduce the glory of sexual union to a pleasurable form of recreation. That is the attitude of those who “get lucky” trying to meet someone or pick them up at a bar on a Friday night. Sadly, it is increasingly the view of many teens who engage in no strings “hook ups” (usually involving oral sex, which many teens today don’t even consider sex.) WebMD reports, Today, hooking up instead of dating has become the norm. About two-thirds of teens say at least some of their friends have hooked up. Nearly 40% say they've had sexual intercourse during a hook-up. What a tragedy to reduce the glorious union of a husband and wife—body, soul, and spirit to completely mechanical, dehumanizing, body-parts sex.
Others in our culture value sex more. They see it as the appropriate expression of true romantic feelings. It is the expected behavior of those in a relationship. In this view, reluctance to have sex is viewed, at best, as being old fashioned and, at worst, as being emotionally hung up. But saving sex for marriage is not about being a prude, being hung up, or stuck on tradition. It is about believing that following God’s design is always to my benefit, as well as God’s glory. Paul’s words to the Galatians come to mind, Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap… life.
3. The third way that sin has corrupted our sexuality is that fallen man wants sexual pleasure without the hard work required to have emotional intimacy with a real woman. I believe this characteristic of the fall explains the seismic epidemic of pornography that is rocking the twenty-first century world. Stephen Arterburn put his finger on this fallen part of male sexuality:
The Playboy mansion was built on the proceeds of men’s desire to have sex with themselves while looking at pictures of perfected nude women. Compulsive masturbation, built on fantasy and pornography, is a quick escape from intimacy. The compulsive masturbator is without the ability to develop genuine intimacy skills. Sex becomes a one-sided process of self-gratification. The addict would rather masturbate than take the time to develop a relationship. Expecting marriage to eliminate the drive to masturbate, the addict soon finds that intimate sex is too much trouble and returns to the compulsion (When Sex Becomes an Addiction.)
Admittedly, single men turn to porn and masturbation partly because they have no real woman with whom to satisfy their sexual desires. Paul teaches that marriage is the solution to burning sexual desire. It is better to marry than to burn with passion (1 Cor 7:9). In a culture that puts off marriage for a very long time, I don’t want to accuse single men, who have not found the right woman and would love to be married, of not having the courage to pop the question. Yet, through porn and masturbation, millions of men seek to satisfy the God-given sexual desires intended to drive them into pursuing real sex with a real woman in marriage. And this is not just a problem with single men. Many a married guy finds it just too much work to romance his wife well and meet her need for emotional intimacy, the prerequisites for her wanting sex. It is easier in this culture to let her go to bed and pursue self-sex through the stimulation of images on a screen.
4. Our sinful nature also damages our sexual relationship within monogamous marriage. It is not uncommon for Christian couples to feel rejected, used, misunderstood, and sexually unsatisfied in their marriage. Wives are created so that the lack of harmony in the relationship dampens their sexual desires, which most men simply don’t understand. Wives often complain that their husband is only affectionate when he wants sex. When a husband feels like his wife is not that responsive to his advances, he will initiate love making with his wife less frequently, but is then tempted to indulge in pornography and masturbation. Although he cannot rationalize his sexual sin by blaming his wife, it is equally true that for the married man, God’s solution to sexual temptation is passionate, frequent sex with his wife. The sex drive of wives often doesn’t keep up with their husbands’, causing wives to feel like their husband’s relentless desire for sex selfish. Godly Christ-following mates need to work together to discuss openly their different sexual intimacy desires and work together to satisfy them.
THREE PRACTICAL IMPLICATIONS OF SIN'S POLUTION OF OUR SEXUAL DESIRES
1. If uncontrolled, the male sex drive will destroy. Archibald Hart writes:
For many men the sex drive feels like a volcano. Explosive and unpredictable, it continues to burn deep down in the groin, even when there is no reason for it. It may be dormant for a while, only grumbling occasionally. But it awakens sooner or later, and when it erupts it can lay waste to everything in its path including honor, reputation, families, virginity, fidelity, chastity, good intentions, life-long promises, and spiritual commitments (The Sexual Man).
The unrestrained male sex drive has led to the most heinous and vicious crimes imaginable against women, children, and young men. It has led to the savage treatment of women as property and the spoils of war in non-Christian lands. It always leads to disrespecting women rather than cherishing them.
2. Marriage does not eliminate the need for sexual self-control. Here are two common myths about the male sex drive and marriage.
Myth # 1. Marriage is the sexual Promised Land where our sexual appetite is always satisfied. Reality Check: Our sexual appetite is often unsatisfied in marriage. Two thirds of the men polled by Dr. Hart in his study for The Sexual Man were unhappy with the frequency of sex in their marriages. Though the sexual union of marriage does temporarily satisfy your sexual appetite, you also see your wife take a shower, get dressed etc., daily; so, your stimulation goes dramatically up in marriage. The gap between stimulation and satisfaction isn’t necessarily eliminated by marriage.
Myth # 2. The self-sex and pornography habits of the single years will have little effect on our future marriage, because we will be sexually satisfied by the real thing—sex with our wives. Reality Check: Masturbation and the use of pornography rarely end with marriage and are quite damaging to your sexual relationship with your present or future wife. Christian counselors and research studies are all agreed that pornography habits begun while single almost always reappear in marriage. Looking at porn while masturbating builds the neuro pathways in the brain that cause us to bond with an impersonal object—the image of our lust. It trains us to experience sex one dimensionally as only a physical release, rather than in the context of a loving relationship. This causes our sexual relationship with our wife to be unfulfilling for her, because sex is all about the relationship to her. Looking at porn trains our brains and bodies to do sex in the way that is least fulfilling to our (future) wives.
3. In a fallen world, for the man who is committed to Christ, there is no alternative to fighting the battle for sexual self-control.
It is God’s will that you should be holy; that you should avoid sexual immorality; THAT EACH OF YOU SHOULD LEARN TO CONTROL HIS OWN BODY IN A WAY THAT IS HOLY AND HONORABLE, not in passionate lust like the heathen who do not know God. (1 Thess. 4:3-5).
There is no alternative to fighting sexual lust. That is the norm for Christian men. I mention this point because there is another myth floating around the church, which needs to be dispelled—that somehow admitting that we battle lust is shameful. Sometimes we guys end up feeling like OUR STRUGGLES WITH LUST are somehow dirtier than the struggles of our wives and children WITH THEIR SINS. Every sin is dirty—filthy in the eyes of our pure God. But to think that somehow our battle with lust is itself shameful is just WRONG. C.S Lewis writes:
If anyone thinks that Christians regard unchastity (sexual sin) as the supreme vice, he is quite wrong. The sins of the flesh are bad, but they are the least bad of all sins. All the worst pleasures are purely spiritual. The pleasure of putting other people down, of bossing and patronizing and spoiling sport, and backbiting; the pleasures of power, of hatred. For there are two things inside me…: they are the animal self and the diabolical self; and the diabolical self is the worst of the two. That is why a cold, self-righteous prig, who goes regularly to church, may be nearer to hell than a prostitute. But of course it’s better to be neither. (Mere Christianity).
The next two episodes will examine what Scripture says about HOW to fight that battle. Our sex drive is POWERFUL, so sexual temptation is POWERFUL. But as we will see, the work of Christ in our lives to redeem our sexuality for his glory is even MORE POWERFUL. Don’t lose heart in your battle! KEEP FIGHTING.
For Further Thought:
1. Which aspect of sin’s pollution of our sexuality stood out to you? Can you think of other ways, sin has corrupted sexuality?
2. What would you say to a Christian brother who was deeply disheartened over his continual losses in the battle with lust?
