Mary’s Femininity Was Not a Social Construct

​​​​​May I ask you a question? Is anything more beautiful, spectacular, and wonderful than God’s creation of WOMAN? I think not. She is the crowning achievement of God’s creation process. She is the one for whom a husband is to die. Yet, we live in a culture that has profoundly marred the portrait of fulfilled womanhood as God designed it to be—and it is our feminine loved ones who are suffering from it. This episode seeks to put a spotlight on the egalitarian, feminist culture that is MISSHAPING our loved ones’ views of womanhood in sharp contrast to God’s perfect design revealed in Scripture. We then examine this portrait in the person of Mary, the mother of Jesus, so that we who are husbands, fathers and grandfathers can help our female loved ones delight in biblical womanhood instead of being ashamed of it.

Here is a sample of what our daughters and granddaughters are hearing today about womanhood.

• Your feelings of wanting to be a nurturer need to be denied. Real fulfillment comes in being like men. Wanting to nurture children makes you weak and exposes you to male oppression.
• Observing differences between girls and boys is old-fashioned and sexist; it causes girls and women to be exploited.
• To have value, you must prove you can do anything a male can do.
• Seeing males as protectors is old-fashioned, weak, sexist, and even dangerous. Be independent. NEVER let yourself be in a relationship where you must depend upon a man.
• The gender binary was imposed on culture by white, Christian males, to oppress transgender people.
• If you don’t fit the stereotype of girly girls, you are transgender.
• A wife submitting to her husband is demeaning. Period. It proves she thinks she is inferior to him. She is NOT inferior and should NEVER submit to him!
• God never said a wife should be submissive to her husband. That was Paul’s idea and the other MALE writers of the Bible who were influenced by the backwards, misogynist, ancient cultures of the Jews and Romans that didn’t yet understand women’s equality.
• Never acknowledge that estrogen affects you as a woman or that testosterone in males makes them any different from you. You must prove you are no different from men.
• All generalizations about gender behavior and characteristics are evil, outdated stereotyping. Valuing motherhood is passee and proves you are out of touch with modern womanhood.
• The biblical view that marriage is between one man and one woman and that children need both a mother and a father is passee, and homophobic.
• You may be romantically attracted to men but you can’t know your sexual orientation for sure until you try sex with another woman.

These false narratives are causing something very precious to erode in the hearts of the rising generation of girls—an understanding of the womanhood she was designed by her creator to experience. God’s message to our daughters is, “Do not be conformed to this world.” God’s message to us as men is “Pick up your weapons and fight to guide your daughter into truth. The weapons of our warfare have divine power to destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ (2 Cor. 10:5). Notice the words in this description of battle that have to do with thinking correcting—arguments, opinion, knowledge, thought. Ideas have consequences. Bad ideas have victims. Those victims are our beloved, treasured daughters.

Four Pollutants in the Cultural Water We Drink and Swim In

A. The lie of egalitarianism—all hierarchal structures of authority are unjust. No matter how good or a democratic republic may be at the national level of government, God did not design the home and church as democracies.

• Egalitarianism’s hatred of authority structures emanates from the heart of Satan, the ultimate egalitarian, who said, “I will be like God,” as he rebelled and who tempted Eve “to be like God” and rebel against his authority.
• The argument that submission implies inferiority is thoroughly refuted by Jesus who submitted himself to the Father to accomplish our redemption.
• Everyone knows that organizational structures are needed for society to function. They reveal nothing about a person’s worth. The quarterback calls the plays, but that doesn’t make him the MVP of the team. Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet submitted to the director in the production of the Titanic, but they were still the stars. Tom Brady the GOAT, greatest of all time, submitted to his coach, Bill Belichick.

B. The lie of critical theory--the most accurate way to view society is through the lens of the oppressors (like white, male, heterosexuals) and the oppressed (people of color, females, homosexuals).

• The accusation of the Bible as promoting unjust oppression of women by men comes from this false worldview that makes all men oppressors and all women oppressed, by definition.
• This evil ideology justifies the revolutionary overthrow of government. It was used by Lenin & Stalin in the Soviet Union, Mao in China, Polpot in Cambodia and led to the wholesale slaughter of over 85 million people. It was used by Black Lives Matter to excuse burning and looting in our cities in 2020.
• Few in history were oppressed like the Christians were by the Roman emperor Nero, who were fed to wild beasts in the arena and used as human torches. Yet Paul’s counsel to Christians IN ROME is a total contradiction of critical theories’ justification of lawlessness’ by the oppressed in critical race theory. Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. Can you imagine what would church history would have looked like if Christians had fomented rebellion against the Roman government?

C. The lie  of subjectivism. We are seeing the triumph of the modern SELF. This irrational ideology convinces its adherents that their feelings ARE truth. It is embodied in the false, unscientific claim that gender is a social construct.

• Transgender ideology attempts to base reality on the subjective feelings a person has instead of biologic and genetic reality.
• Feelings don’t determine reality anywhere else in life. We don’t allow our feelings to determine our height, weight, eye color, skin color or shoe size. Those ae objectively determined for us at birth. Even if we are adopted, we can’t change the DNA that shapes our eye color, height weight, and shoe size. That is REALITY. That reality doesn’t change according to how we FEEL about it. Feelings don’t determine gender either. 

D. The lie that the Bible is mysogynistic. We must help our rising kids know the true facts of history: the biblical has consistently elevated women.

• Lies about the biblical treatment of women. In nearly every ancient culture but Israel’s, women were considered inferior to men. Aristotle, for example, considered women to be essentially the result of birth defects—they were “misbegotten men.” It is a fact of history that Jewish women were more highly valued than women in any other culture.
• When God, himself, broke into history we see Jesus demonstrate revolutionary respect for women. From Jesus’ healing of the woman with an issue of blood, to his protecting of the woman caught in adultery, to his affirmation of the woman who washed his feet with her hair, Jesus was radical in the way he treated women as the full equals of men—having intrinsic value because they, like men, are fully made in God’s image.
• Christianity has always affirmed women to be full members of the Body of Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus (Gal 3:28). This is consistent with Genesis 1 and 2, women are equal but different from men.
• History records that because of Roman disdain for females, the typical family would keep all the healthy boys born to them but only one girl, drowning or abandoning the rest. But the early Christians would find the abandoned little girls, adopt them, and raise them in their loving homes. Several generations after this practice began—Roman men ran out of Roman women to marry! They found lovely wives in the homes of Christians, who led the men to Christ. In fact, that is part of the way Christianity spread through the Roman Empire.

Mary—Beautiful Femininity in Action as It Was Designed to Be

Luke 1: 34ff: And Mary said, “How can this be since I am a virgin?” And the angel answered her, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born will be called holy—the Son of God. And behold, your relative Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son, and this is the sixth month with her who was called barren. For nothing will be impossible with God.” And Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” And the angel departed from her.

Mary goes to be with Elizabeth. When Mary enters the house John the Baptist the baby in Elizabeth’s womb stir’s causing Elizbeth to cry out, Blessed is she who believed that there would be[g] a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.”  Then we have Mary’s song of praise which is called the Magnificat. It reveals the magnificent picture of the heart of a godly woman.

“My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has looked on the humble estate of his servant. For behold, from now on all generations will call me blessed; for he who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is his name. And his mercy is for those who fear him from generation to generation. He has shown strength with his arm; he has scattered the proud in the thoughts of their hearts; he has brought down the mighty from their thrones and exalted those of humble estate…

Peter, who knew Mary, would latter identify four characteristics of godly women in his first letter 3:1-4: meekness, a quiet spirit, purity, and reverence. Let’s examine these four characteristics of feminine beauty lived out in Mary.

A. Meekness: The Greek word PRAUTES is used to describe the strength of a spirited horse, which yields to the control of its rider. This inner heart attitude of surrender to the Lord makes a woman beautiful, says Peter. And we see this heart in Mary—in spades, beginning with her response to Gabriel’s words, “I am the handmaiden of the Lord. Be it unto me according to your word.” Michael Card, in his commentary on Luke comments,

Of all that she does not know, one thing seems perfectly clear to her. It is a perspective that will help her navigate the deep waters into which the small vessel of her life is about to go. It will be the source of her disturbingly clear obedience. She perfectly articulates this fundamental reality with her first response to the angel’s troubling news, “I am the Lord’s slave.” Different translations soften the language. Some render the word DOULE (feminine form of DOULOS) “servant.” Others use the even softer “handmaiden.” But Mary is affirming that she is the slave of the Lord. She is surrendering her rights, her hopes and dreams and her own body absolutely to him. Mary seems to know that she is owned by Another.

Meekness is humbly surrendering to the role God assigned me to play, because I trust him and belong to him. This is the exact opposite of the attitude of modern feminists who rail against God’s design of male and female to be equal in worth yet assigned different roles in the home and church. Femininsts arrogantly demand that THEY will decide what EQUAL is—and such EQUALITY must erase distinctions! They substitute sameness for equality.

Affirming meekness in daughters

1. In what ways do you see your daughter responding to God the way Mary did—I am yours. Do with me what you will?
2. How does your daughter demonstrate unselfishness?
3. How does she demonstrate a servant’s heart.  

B. A Quiet Spirit. Back in I Peter 3, the Greek word Peter used for quiet was HESUCHOIOS, which indicates tranquility arising from within, causing no disturbance to others. Having a quiet spirit means being at rest inside. It arises from contentment and trust in God to handle the circumstances. It is the opposite of complaining. Mary does ask Gabriel how she could be the Messiah’s mother since she was a virgin—a simple inquiry that Gabriel seems happy to answer. However, unlike Zechariah, the father of John, who was punished for his unbelief, Mary does not doubt Gabriel’s words, but quietly trusts God to work out the details of her life. Her confidence in God to work out everything for her ultimate good is the key to her contentment. She trusts God with the circumstances over which she has no control. That is a quiet spirit.

Affirming a quiet spirit in daughters

1. Have you seen her quietly trust the Lord with some hard things?
2. In what ways have you seen your daughter overcome worry with her faith?
3. How have you seen her choose a contented attitude over complaining?

C. Purity. Mary and Joseph though engaged were virgins. In a world that will scorn the daughters of our church for saving sex for marriage, we need to protect their hearts from the lies of Satan and the culture. We need to help them see:

• That sex is exhilarating, heart-pounding fun, and an enormously pleasurable gift of God to married couples.
• That their instinctive feeling of discomfort when we are naked in the locker room or doctor’s office tells them something. It causes them to quickly cover their private parts. This God-given instinct to cover our nakedness is intended by God to protect us. It reminds us that nakedness is unsafe. The regular vulnerability of sex only works in the safety of a pledge by the one sharing our nakedness to love us unconditionally—in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live.
• That having sex with one who is not committed life-long to unconditionally loving you but moves on is like two pieces of paper glued together and trying to tear those papers apart again. Their soul gets torn.
• That it is Christianity’s high view of sex as precious, the ultimate expression of vulnerability, and of giving one’s whole self to another, that lies behind its teaching that it be saved for marriage.

Gloriously, Mary was sexually pure.

D. Reverence (Fearing the Lord, Not Man). In discussing this aspect of a woman’s inner beauty, Peter’s command to Christian women is to disregard what anyone thought of them but God. That is reverence. The Greek word is PHOBIA. In context, it refers to the fear of the Lord rather than the fear of man concerning fashion. Christian women don’t pursue beauty based upon the culture’s latest fads: Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, your beauty should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty which is of great worth in God’s sight (vs 3-4). When we look at Mary’s Magnificat, we see her lifting up those who FEAR the LORD rather than fearing man. She exalts the upside-down values of God’s kingdom people in contrast to the wrong values of the fallen world: And his mercy is for THOSE WHO FEAR HIM from generation to generation. He has shown strength with his arm; he has scattered the proud in the thoughts of their hearts; he has brought down the mighty from their thrones and exalted those of humble estate (Luke 1:50-52).

Only heaven will reveal the true beauty of Mary’s determination to fear God rather than men. When she allowed God to make her pregnant without being married, the price she paid in her legalistic, Jewish, small-town community must have been staggering. As soon as she began to show, the tongues must have started wagging—that Mary girl seems really pious, but if you ask me, she and Joseph have been messing around!  How many jokes would have been cracked about Mary and Joseph’s explanation for the pregnancy? Into the only home she knew and only extended family she had, she brought enormous shame in a small town where everyone would know about her out-of-wedlock pregnancy. It is hard to imagine one suffering the rejection of her community any more severely. Had Mary and Joseph not had to leave Nazareth to go to Bethlehem, might they have been thrown out of the synagogue? But, Mary chose to fear God not men.

Affirming reverence, the fear of the Lord and not man, in daughters

1. How has she demonstrated that she wants to please God?
2. How have you seen her demonstrate courage?
3. In what ways have you seen her resist peer pressure to do the right thing?

Mary is a portrait of true feminine beaty: a servant’s heart, quiet inner trust in God about her circumstances, a devotion to saving her sexuality for her husband so she can give it freely to him when she marries, a determination to be pleasing to the Lord instead of a people-pleaser. When we see a glimpse like this in our ladies, such glorious beauty deserves our proud praise. And with that, perhaps a reminder that this kind of beauty lasts forever.  

For Further Prayerful Thought:

1. Which of the 4 pollutant worldviews in our culture about womanhood concern you most?
2. Which of the 4 pollutant worldviews in our culture have you found hardest to refute?
3. What part of Mary’s beauty most stood out to you?
4. What part of Peter’s portrait of womanhood, also seen in Mary, do you want to most remember to notice in your feminine lived ones so you can praise them for it?