B. Destructive Messages About Gender Identity. Teens who experience same-sex attraction are not the only ones at risk for reaching the wrong conclusion about their gender identity. Christian teens and preteens are increasingly confused by the prevalence of the transgender identity script. As they sort out who they are, they inevitably compare themselves to others. They often see traits in themselves that don’t fit the stereotype they have built in their own mind. They may not feel like “girly” girls or “tough” boys. When they don’t fit their own (usually misguided) gender stereotype, they may open themselves up to parts of the transgender identity script. But doubting their created gender identity is a pathway to destruction. So, in today’s world it is essential that we 1) strip off our own stereotypes of male and female pressing back to the biblical definition of godly manhood and womanhood, (our goal in the last episode), 2) stress God’s magnificent creativity--no two portraits of godly manhood ever look the same nor are two expressions of godly womanhood ever alike, 3) observe and affirm the godly masculine traits we do see in our sons and virtuous feminine traits we observe in our daughters.
C. Destructive Messages About Gender Roles. We know that vibrant marriages, emotional wholeness, and strong families for our children and grandchildren result from following God’s design of male and female who have different needs, responsibilities, and callings in the family. But there are big obstacles they must overcome to follow that design. At the root of their own heart (and our own) is a sinful nature that demands autonomy, not wanting to submit to God’s design of gender responsibilities. On top of that, the rising generation faces a culture that is increasingly deconstructing the traditional understanding of gender roles. In many ways this is good. Archie Bunker, and the self-centered masculinity he portrayed needed to be trashed. Males using their positions of authority in Hollywood, government, and business to get away with sexually abusing women needed to be exposed by the #MeToo movement. This deconstruction of wrong views of masculinity, but along with it, some valid views of God’s design, has left the rising generation of Christians LOST, when it comes to gender roles. What a fabulous opportunity the church now has to step into this vacuum with biblical truth about God’s design. For both our own kids, and the culture, following the wisdom of God’s design about gender is the path of life. In Prov 3:13-18 comes to mind.
Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold. She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her. Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her.
5 Components of a Biblical Sexual Identity Script Your Teen Needs
1. It must be rooted in gospel GRACE, so they know that the community to which they belong is the church, the Body of Christ. Adults who guide children into their God-given identity must be those who know they, themselves need the gospel of grace for their life every single day. Sexuality is deeply personal. Feelings of same-sex attraction or doubts about one’s manliness or femininity are shameful. Teens will only open up about their struggles to adults who exhibit brokenness over their own sin and a continual recognition of their own spiritual poverty. Christian teens must deeply believe that Christianity is for the prodigal in Luke 15 and not the elder brother. Especially if they experience same-sex attraction, they will feel like their unique struggle is too shameful for them to find community inside the fellowship of the church. We must convince them otherwise!
2. It recognizes that as believers, their truest identity is to be in Christ, and through Him adopted as children of God. Paul prays that the Ephesians, being rooted and grounded in love might be able to grasp the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge. The Apostle John marvels at the new identity that belongs to those who come to faith in Christ: Consider the incredible love that the Father has shown us in allowing us to be called “children of God”—and that is not just what we are called, but what we are. (1 John 3:1 J.B. Phillips) We must help teens find their identity in belonging to Christ and in being the beloved son or daughter of their heavenly Father who delights in them.
3. A biblical identity script explains why they don’t fit in to the secular world around them. Peter challenges his readers to consider their special identity in the world. But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light (1 Pet. 2:9). The splitting apart of the human person into biological sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender roles comes from the world of darkness. That darkness fiercely opposes the biblical worldview of sexuality. But as Abraham’s posterity was chosen not to fit in to the fallen world but to be a blessing to it, Christians, the spiritual seed of Abraham, are to BE A BLESSING TO THE WORLD, which is still shrouded in the darkness of sin. Jesus said, You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house (Matt. 5:14-15).
4. A biblical identity script emphasizes that they are uniquely designed by God. Teens measuring their manliness or femininity by comparing themselves to their friends is folly. Psalm 139 tells them that God fashioned them in the womb and Eph. 2:10 reads, For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Helping teens exploring their unique design (spiritual gifts, natural abilities, personality strengths, etc.) should be part of helping them grow into adulthood.
5. A biblical identity script motivates boys to pursue godly manhood and girls to pursue godly womanhood. Paul gives us a glimpse into his view of a father’s job when he said to the church at Thessalonica, You know how, like a father with his children, we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you (1 Thes 2:11-12a). Confusing messages about gender sent through the social media explode in your child’s soul every day tearing down the building blocks your child needs to have for healthy sexual self-understanding. Our kids need that foundation rebuilt with words of praise from you that articulate a biblical worldview of sexuality. They need their sexual self-image built up and strengthened with your words affirming your son’s masculine traits and your daughter’s feminine ones. Such a regular dose of verbal vitamins will affirm and inspire your children as they pursue godly manhood and womanhood. (The sixth chapter of my book, Anchoring a Child to God’s Truth helps you build this stockpile of verbal vitamins).
So, men, every father and grandfather wants his child to grow up with a strong self-image. Today’s culture requires that such an image 1) is grounded in a clear biblical view of gender, 2) helps them understand why they can expect rejection for embracing a biblical role, and 3) shows them that following God’s design of male and female differently to complete each other is not only the path of life, but the brings glory to God as our marriage images God himself—the three Persons of the Trinity who love one another.
For Further Prayerful Thought:
- Based on Romans 12:1-2, (read at the beginning of this episode), how is adopting the biblical worldview of gender and sexuality the right response to God’ love for us poured out in Christ?
- In your own experience, what are some common, mistaken messages coming at teens today about sexuality and gender?
- Of the five parts to the biblical identity script I suggest that teens need today, which 2 are the most strategic, in your view?
