A worried mom said to me, “My daughter no longer believes what the Bible says about homosexuality and wives being submissive to their husbands. She says Paul’s writing in the NT reflects Paul’s patriarchal culture and unjust male privilege; it is not God’s Word.” This mom was worried because she saw that foundational truths her daughter needed to embrace to flourish—how God designed marriage to work, that her church’s view of homosexuality was loving and how God’s Word is all true and the path to life—were being undermined by the culture’s influence. Sometimes the best defense is a great offense. This episode addresses the question, “How do I inspire my children and grandchildren to believe that God’s design of gender and sexuality is awesome?”
When I think about teens like this one who have jettisoned trust in Scripture, because of the arguments they’ve heard that Christians mistreat gays, transgenders, and women, Proverbs 18:17 comes to mind, The first to plead his case seems right, until another comes and examines him. For example, the rising generation is hearing the accusation that the Bible’s teaching about gender roles is based on unjust patriarchy. Israel was a patriarchy if that word is used in the secondary sense of reckoning descent and inheritance through the male line. But Websters Dictionary says that the term patriarchy comes from the two Greek words, PATER father and ARCHE rule. Roman law was a true patriarchy. The Roman father’s rule was absolute. He could put to death his wife, child, employee, or slave. When a child was born to him, a Roman father would either give a thumb up if he wanted the child to live or thumb down, in which case the child was immediately drowned. The Bible teaches nothing like that! We must help our kids have the confidence and courage to say to the teacher whose says the Bible is patriarchal:
With all due respect, Ms. Jones, this view is based on misinformation. Roman law was patriarchal—the rule of the father. But the Bible teaches the rule of Law. In the OT, fathers were required to follow the Ten Commandments, held accountable to do so by the elders of the city. In the NT, Christian fathers are required to obey Jesus’ moral law, held accountable to do so, by the elders of the church. The biblical approach to parenting is the opposite of Roman patriarchy, holding fathers accountable for loving treatment of their family members.
We find common ground with those in our culture who oppose toxic masculinity. But we must be sure our kids understand that the awful forms of abusive masculinity they observe are not the result of God’s design, but of the fall. Three episodes ago, in episode #22 April 4, we looked at fallen masculinity in the first four chapters of Genesis. Today, we look at the wonder of Gods unfallen, original design of manhood and womanhood. Gender is not a social construct as some in our culture argue. The first mention of gender in the Bible occurs with the very first mention of humanity itself. In the image of God he created him; male and female he created them (Gen 1:27). This means that our maleness of femaleness is not incidental to our humanness but constitutes its essence. God does not make us into generic humanity that is later differentiated. From the start, we are male or female. Every cell in our body is stamped XX or XY. This fact means that I cannot understand myself if I ignore the way God has designed me as a male or female. At the same time Genesis 1 reveals to us that man and woman are created with absolute equality and are called equally to build culture. Genesis one also depicts God’s magnificent creativity. God is glorified by variety. If no two snowflakes are the same, how much more is his imagination displayed by making no two portraits of godly masculinity the same nor expressions of godly femininity alike. So. Let’s look at manhood and womanhood as they were designed to be.
Adam’s Distinct Calling As a Man
A. Adam is placed in the garden to cause it and its inhabitants to flourish. In Genesis 2:15, we are told that Adam is placed in the garden to work it (ESV). The Hebrew word, “work it” is “avad,” also translated cultivate (NASB), means to make fruitful, to cause to flourish. Adam is to make the garden (which includes its inhabitants) fruitful—to borrow the US Army’s words--BE ALL IT CAN BE. This core concept of masculinity is that we spend our lives (sweat, energy, and time) helping those under our care develop to their fullest potential. This calling to spend ourselves to cause others to flourish is behind Paul’s specific command to husbands, Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might SANCTIFY her, i.e. reach her full spiritual potential. Similarly, fathers are assigned to cause their children to flourish through discipline: Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Eph 6:4). The masculine calling to cause those under our care to flourish requires a life of sacrifice. We die to ourselves, sacrificially providing whatever it takes so that those under our care flourish physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Our authority and headship are assigned to us so that we can serve others, causing those under our care to thrive. We are servant/leaders as we follow Christ’s example. What woman do you know who would not be attracted to such self-giving manhood? And though every Christian man needs Christ’s power at work in him to restore our masculine calling to sacrifice for others, there is a certain noble part of men that is highly motivated TO COME THROUGH for those who depend upon us. It is in the design.
B. Adam is placed into the garden to protect it. Genesis 2:15 continues, “The LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it.” The Hebrew word that is translated “keep it,” is shamar, which also means to guard, watch-over, and protect. Rick Phillips writes, “This calling, to keep rounds out the masculine mandate of the Bible. A man is not only to wield the plow, but also to bear the sword. Being God’s deputy lord in the garden, Adam was not only to make it fruitful but to keep it safe” (The Masculine Mandate). Across the world, God’s creation design of men to be the protectors of their families has been recognized nearly universally. We need to protect those under our care, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. If we Westerners think outside our cultural box, where birth control is widespread and infant mortality is low, we can see the glory of God’s complementary design. The female in this male/female union is the one to bear children. During her childbearing years, she would be expected to continually be pregnant in most historical settings. How perfect, in God’s design, for her partner to have the calling and capacity to be her provider (avad) and protector (shamar), when her special calling to motherhood makes her especially vulnerable.
C. Men are called to leave their home of origin to pursue their wife. When we combine Genesis 2:24, Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife with NT teaching for husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church, we see that the man takes the initiative to pursue the woman to enjoy her, to give her his love, and to partner with him as the leader in their joint calling to “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it.” The perfect husband, Jesus, leaves his place in heaven as God’s equal, and comes into the world, taking on the form of a servant, sacrificing himself for his bride at the cross, and then drawing her to himself with the cords of love. Jesus initiates, we respond. The reason we know a husband pursues a wife to enjoy her is because that is what Jesus does with his bride. Isaiah foretells the love of Christ for his bride: As the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you (62:5). For husbands, sex is about him delighting in his wife alone. It is important to help our daughters and sons see the stark contrast between the Gender Unicorn view of sex (mentioned last week) as just recreational, so it can be paid for—and God’s design. The biblical view connects sex with intimacy, as the wonderful uniting of two complete beings, body, heart, and soul. Springing from supreme, life-long love in the security of marriage, sex is an expression of total surrender to one who knows you and wants you, body and soul. It is exposing one’s nakedness to another human without the fear of rejection but with the promise of acceptance, love, and the expectation of being unconditionally cherished. What a magnificent view of sex!
Eve’s Distinct Calling As a Woman
A. God reveals his purpose for Eve in the story of her creation. Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” The English word helper that translates the Hebrew word, ezer, is a very unfortunate translation for today’s culture. In English, the word helper sounds demeaning, like a low wage earner who sweeps the floors. The Hebrew, however, has no such negative connotation, since it is used many times for God himself. Psalm 54: 4 says, Behold, God is my helper; the Lord is the upholder of my life. Psalm 118:7 reads, The Lord is on my side as my helper; I shall look in triumph on those who hate me. Just as ezer tells of God’s connection to Israel as the necessary support for survival the woman is the ally to the man without which he cannot succeed or survive. But we must note that Adam was not created as a helper for Eve. Their roles are not interchangeable. When God made Eve, it was because the Garden of Eden would have been a prison of loneliness for Adam without her. “It was not good” says God, “that the man should be alone.” To release Adam from this prison and bring him joy and companionship God created a woman and brought her to Adam. Eve’s joy and fulfillment was to be in being Adam’s complement. Adam needed someone to help him complete the commission to be fruitful and multiply and rule over the creation. Eve was created to help him do this as his full equal and righthand woman and by producing children with him, filling the earth with God’s image bearers.
B. The essence of femininity is to be a giver of life, a nurturer. In Genesis 3 we read, The man called his wife’s name, Eve, because she was the mother of all living (vs 20). “Eve” sounds like the Hebrew for life-giver and resembles the word for “living.” Strachen and Peacock point out: For their part, women are life-givers. Women give physical life to humanity, a task so great and so significant that it cannot be quantified. God has highly esteemed women by making the survival of the human race hang on their care and nurture (The Grand Design). Since creation matters so much to God, we might expect the woman’s physical body to give clues to femininity. She is designed to receive her husband and surround him with love. Her breasts are made to nurture and her life-giving womb nourishes and surrounds her developing child. These suggest the calling of femininity to be providing life-giving nurture. The love of a husband calls him to get whatever he needs from the garden to provide what his wife needs to flourish. But a woman’s love is giving HERSELF--surrounding her loved ones with her personal attention and care. Although Western culture has greatly devalued the feminine calling to motherhood and to a nurturing role, in God’s economy, giving personal care and love to those who surround her life is the highest of callings. Now abide these three, faith, hope, and love, but the greatest of these is love (1Cor 13:13).
C. Woman is gifted with awesome capacities for home management. Proverbs 31:10-31 is an acrostic wisdom poem on womanhood making it easier for young Hebrew girls to memorize. Verses 27-29 give a kind of summary, She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” Her focus is her home. It is those she is serving there—her husband and children—who are urged to praise this woman of virtue. We must help the rising generation realize that Western culture’s devaluation of a woman’s homemaking role is on a collision course with the very high value that Scripture places on her calling to her home. This is NOT demeaning. THE HOME IS WHERE THE NEXT GENERATION IS SHAPED. Neither does the Bible’s high esteem for a woman’s role of homemaker devalue the economic contributions she makes outside the home. Consider verse 16, She considers a field and buys it, vs 18, She perceives that her merchandise is profitable, 24, She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant. There is no indication that her economic productivity for the family is any less important than her husband’s. The fact is that the dichotomy of the workplace and home is a modern phenomenon. In ancient times, the home WAS the workplace. The Industrial Revolution has taken work outside the home and now couples must make decisions about how they work as a team to fulfill the cultural mandate remembering these two principles. 1) They want Eve to fully develop her potential, 2) Eve’s strongest calling is to her home.
Isn’t Commanding Wives to Submit to Their Husbands Demeaning?
What do you say to your daughter who says, “Wives being told they must submit to their husbands feels like girls are inferior to boys?” Our answer must be, “I know if feels that way. But sometimes feelings are mistaken. Here are some very powerful reasons that those feelings are wrong:
- In the Bible’s creation account in Genesis 1 man and woman are completely equal and both assigned the same task, And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it” (Gen 1:27-28).
- Adam’s job given in Genesis 2:15 is to devote himself to causing Eve to reach her fullest possible potential—to flourish.
- Adam’s second responsibility given in this verse is to be Eve’s protector. In his God-given role, he is to die, if necessary, so that she can live.
- It is emotionally freeing for a wife to know that her husband is accountable to God for their marriage and their family.
- Submitting to another does NOT imply the inferiority of the one submitting. When a driver submits to the police officer, when the football player submits to the coach, when the child submits to her parents, no one thinks the one doing the submitting is an inferior human being to the one in authority.
- Submitting to another does NOT imply the inferiority of the one submitting. God the Son, who is fully equal to the Father in dignity and glory voluntarily chose to submit himself to the Father to accomplish our redemption.
- At the center of Christianity is Jesus who was absolutely revolutionary in the way he valued women. In a culture where the Rabbinic prayer based on the Talmud was, “Blessed art thou who has not made me a woman,” Jesus was radical in his counter-cultural respect for women as those made in God’s image.
- Submission of men to their role of leading is just as hard as wives’ job of submitting to her role to follow her husband’s leadership. It is noteworthy that the famous Ephesians 5 passage on roles in marriage begins, in verse 21, with “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Paul then gives specific instruction about what this submissive spirit is to look like to both wives and husbands, both children and parents, both slaves and masters. A deference to each other’s roles is required of all believers.
- Christ-followers are called to a special purpose for their marriage: showing Jesus to the world. Husbands are to show Jesus’ sacrificial love for his bride, the church. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Eph 5:25). But there is also something very precious about Jesus that God wants Christian marriages to show. Paul describes it in Philippians 2: Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him….
It was this text that freed author Kathy Keller to whole heartedly embrace her call to submit to her husband, Tim. She writes, This passage is one of the primary places that the “dance of the Trinity” becomes visible. The Son defers to his Father, taking the subordinate role. The Father accepts the gift, but then exalts the Son to the highest place. Each wishes to please the other; each wishes to exalt the other…The Son submits to the Father’s headship with free, voluntary, and joyful eagerness, not out of coercion or inferiority. The Father’s headship is acknowledged in reciprocal delight, respect, and love. There is no inequality of ability or dignity. We are differently gendered to reflect this life within the Trinity. Male and female are invited to reflect the “dance” of the Trinity, loving, self-sacrificing authority, and loving courageous submission.
So, men, I want to close this podcast by bringing us back to Proverbs 18:17, The first to plead his case seems right—that is where so many of the rising generation are in hearing a constant, false critique of the Bible’s teaching about gender roles. But the verse continues, Until another comes and examines him. Brothers, WE are the ones who have to do that—to wisely help our kids examine what they are hearing—because following God’s perfect design of gender is the path of life for our children and grandchildren.
For Further Prayerful Thought:
- What do you think are the biggest obstacles to guiding the rising generation to whole-heartedly embrace God’s design f gender?
- What struck you about God’s design of Adam?
- What struck you about God’s design of Eve?
- What facts do you think have the greatest weigh in helping Eve’s daughters not feel inferior because wives are told to submit to their husbands?
