I hope you will join me today in celebrating Juneteenth—which was established last year as a federal holiday to commemorate the effective ending of slavery in the United States. Two months after Lee’s surrender at the Appomattox Court House, on June 19, 1865, federal troops arrived in Galveston, TX and General Gordon Granger read, General Orders # 3, “The people of Texas are informed that in accordance with a proclamation from the Executive of the United States, all slaves are free.” And I hope you will join me in celebrating Father’s Day, which was inspired by a Spokane, Washington woman named Sonora Smart Dodd, one of six children raised by a single dad and civil war veteran. Dodd convinced local churches, the YMCA, shopkeepers, and government officials to make Washington the first State to engage in a state-wide Father’s Day celebration. That was on June 19, 1910. Although the leading beneficiaries of both Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are probably retail florists, Hallmark, and Home Depot, today is an opportunity to remember the link between fatherlessness and the rampant crime rate in our cities, and a chance to continue our fatherhood series, “Loving our kids with the fatherly love of God.”
Before looking at the teaching responsibility of fathers, since today is Juneteenth, I want to take a moment to turn our hearts to the cities of America where lawlessness has been exploding. There are four ways that God has ordained that evil be restrained
A. God has written his moral law on the human heart. Though our sinful nature causes us all to suppress the truth in unrighteousness, we know that when we argue for the biblical view of gender, human rights, property rights, etc. we have an ally on our side, their conscience, (though opponents often won’t admit it).
B. God restrains evil through fathers disciplining their children at home. I believe that a biblical lens put over the problems of our cities reveals that the biggest problem, by far, is fatherlessness. Here are some statistics:
- Children who grow up without fathers are 5X more likely to live in poverty and commit crime, 9X more likely to drop out of school, and 20X more likely to end up in prison. (Source: Barack Obama).
- According to the US Census Bureau data for 2019 the Percent of Children Who Live With Their Mother Only is about 45% for Black children, 24% for Hispanic children, and 18% for White Children.
- The correlation of crime with father absence is enormous: According to the US Dept of Justice report, "What Can the Federal Government Do To Decrease Crime and Revitalize Communities?" Children from fatherless homes account for 63% of youth suicides, 90% of all homeless and runaway youths, 85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders, 71% of all highschool dropouts, 70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions, 75% of adolescent patients in substance abuse centers, 75% of rapists motivated by misplaced anger.
C. God intends for evil to be restrained is by churches functioning as salt and light for the culture. At this writing we have not yet heard the official Supreme Court ruling on Roe v Wade. But we know that the chances are very good that Roe will be overturned (leaving us much work as this issue is returned to the states.) But clearly, we have gotten this far because Christians have been salt and light in our culture regarding life in the womb. In my opinion, we need to have the same clarity about the way that extreme gender ideology activists are promoting policies that cause troubled, pubescent, teen girls to make permanent decisions to mutilate their bodies and futures through medical transition. We also need to help our culture see institutional racism—why would anyone who believes the biblical teaching about the radical depravity of mankind ever doubt that such depravity has shaped institutions?
D. God restrains evil through laws enforced by civil government. Paul explains the role that God has ordained for government:
Whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, for he is God's servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God's wrath on the wrongdoer (Rom 13:1-4).
So, lets return to our series on fatherhood. This is the third episode in this series, Loving Our Kids with the Fatherly Love of God. In week one we looked at how to regularly fill our tank with God’s love for us—or in Jesus’ words how to “abide” in his love. Last week we saw that God, like all loving fathers, does NOT passively leave his kids to be enslaved to their sinful, self-centered nature but disciplines us, imposing pain now to lead us to walk down the path of life in the future. Today we observe that fatherly love teaches a child the way he should go.
God’s covenant people, both in the OT and NT are treated as his adopted children. Hosea 11:1 says, When Israel was a child, I loved him, and out of Egypt I called my son. One of the first things God did, after calling his covenant people out of Egypt was to give them the Ten Commandments. This text begins, I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery (Ex 20:2). The ten commandments were never given as a way for Israelites to earn their salvation; they were given AFTER they had been redeemed from slavery in Israel, (which is symbolic for slavery to sin.) In God’s fatherly love for his son, Israel, he teaches them the way they should go. This “teaching role” of God our Heavenly Father is interwoven in David’s thoughts throughout Psalm 119:
- Vs 4: You have commanded your precepts to be kept diligently.
- Vs 12: Blessed are you O LORD; teach me your statutes.
- Vs 93: I will never forget your precepts, for by them you have given me life.
- Vs 111: Your testimonies are my heritage forever, they are the joy of my heart
- Vs 135: Make your face shine upon me, and teach me your statutes.
Just as our heavenly father teaches us the way we should go, the fathers in Israel were expected to train their children in the way they should go:
- God established this principle with Abraham, the father of the Covenant. I have chosen him, (Abraham) that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice, so that the Lord may bring to Abraham what he has promised him (Genesis 18:18).
- Later, it appears that Joshua did fulfill this responsibility. He had been challenged by God, This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success (Joshua 1:8). We have no direct examples of Joshua teaching his children and grandchildren the way they should go—but the indirect evidence seems overpowering that he did just that. Joshua lived to be 110 years old, which meant he would have had great, great, great grandchildren. In Judges 2:7-8, we read, And the people served the Lord all the days of Joshua, and all the days of the elders who outlived Joshua, who had seen all the great work that the Lord had done for Israel. And Joshua the son of Nun, the servant of the Lord, died at the age of 110 years.
- But this pattern of “commanding his children and household after him to keep the way of the Lord,” did not continue. Judges 2 continues, And there arose another generation after them who did not know the Lord or the work that he had done for Israel. And the people of Israel did what was evil in the sight of the Lord and served the Baals. The failure of the covenant fathers of Israel to turn their hearts towards their children and grandchildren in order to turn the next generation’s heart towards keeping God’s law was nearly universal—especially being highlighted in the book of Judges
- King David, a man after God’s own heart was an exception. His son, Solomon tells us about his father, David. Solomon writes, When I was a son with my father, tender, the only one in the sight of my mother, he taught me and said to me, “Let your heart hold fast my words; keep my commandments, and live” (Prov 4:3-4). In 1 Kings 2:1, we also see David on his deathbed teaching his son, Solomon the way he should go. I am about to go the way of all the earth. Be strong, and show yourself a man, and keep the charge of the Lord your God, walking in his ways and keeping his statutes, his commandments, his rules, and his testimonies, as it is written in the Law of Moses, that you may prosper in all that you do and wherever you turn.
- Solomon, himself, demonstrated the truth that fathers teach a child the way he or she should go. The first 9 chapters of Proverbs could be called, “A Father’s Invitation to Wisdom,” where he says, “Hear my son, your father’s instruction,” (1:8, 2:1ff, 3:1, 3:21, 4:1, 4:10, 4:20, 5:1, 6:20, 7:1).
- With these three notable exceptions, the OT failure of fathers to pass on their spiritual heritage is exhibited all through its history. But the OT ends with the final two verses pointing to a new day that will dawn. The Messiah will come, overthrow Satan, sin, and death, and empower fathers (as well as all believers) with the Holy Spirit poured out in greater measure. Hebrews 8 tells us that Jeremiah’s prophecy is fulfilled in the coming of Christ. For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, declares the Lord: I will put my laws into their minds, and write them on their hearts, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.
- The dawning of this new age will be marked by the coming of a second Elijah (whom Jesus said was John the Baptist). The OT ends with this hope, Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the great and awesome day of the Lord comes. And he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers (Mal 4:5-6). Under the New Covenant, with the power of the risen Christ poured out upon us through the indwelling Holy Spirit—men will be helped to win the hearts of their children and turn their hearts to love the Law of the Lord.
This podcast is about staying focused on our mission and all of this background is given to show how significant our teaching role is in our homes—but also to fill us with confidence because we have Christ indwelling us to give us the determination, wisdom, and energy to fulfill this fatherhood task of Christian men.
STARTING PLACES FOR A CURRICULUM: SOME IDEAS
A. The Ten Commandments are a summary of the moral law of God. Jesus builds upon them with greater application in the NT.
B. Matthew 5-7 is Jesus’ summary of how to live in the Kingdom of God. It begins with the 8 foundational attitudes for kingdom living.
C. WCF Shorter Catechism or Children’s Catechism. (We used some of these)
Q. 1. Who made you?
A. God.
Q. 2. What else did God make?
A. God made all things.
Q. 3. Why did God make you and all things?
A. For his own glory.
Q. 4. How can you glorify God?
A. By loving him and doing what he commands.
Q. 5. Why ought you to glorify God?
A. Because he made me and takes care of me.
D. Character Development Training Plan (Click for this PDF))
1. Teach them attentiveness.
- This is a pre-requisite to obedience.
- When speaking to your child, always require him to look you in the eyes.
- Teach him to listen carefully to you and others.
- Teach him to listen carefully to God’s voice, heard through his conscience.
2. Teach them obedience by setting limits. Toddlers need to know that painful punishment will follow if they go beyond the limit.
- Limits begin in infancy with learning not to touch.
- “No” means NO. Disobedience is punished by a light slap on the hand.
- Limits begin to kick in formally during the toddler years, continue throughout childhood, and into the teen years (though the teen should need fewer limits because he is learning to regulate his own behavior.)
3. Teach them contentment.
- Contentment is “realizing that God has already provide everything I need for my present happiness.”
- Teach kids who are bored that they are responsible for their own happiness.
- Teach them that fulfillment comes through love relationships--first loving God and basking in his love, and then learning to love others people well.
4. Teach them the principle of sowing and reaping—that behavior has consequences.
- Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap (Gal 6:7).
- Praise their positive attitudes and behavior.
- Help them see the benefits of their positive attitudes and behavior.
- Help them see the relationship between bad attitudes or behavior and negative consequences.
5. Teach them responsibility
- A good definition of responsibility is, “recognizing and doing what both God and others are expecting of me.”
- He should be given small tasks that he is responsible for, even as a preschooler.
- Your child must take responsibility for his attitudes including anger. “He made me so mad” is excusing anger instead of taking responsibility for it.
- Your child must take responsibility for his own behavior. If he accidentally hurts someone, he is still responsible even if he did not intend to harm that the person.
6. Teach them truthfulness.
- Teach them that God is the God of truth and that Jesus IS the TRUTH—that is how important it is for Christians to be truthful.
- Teach them the high cost of lying.
- Plan your punishments and consequences so the most severe punishment is for lying, and they get a lighter punishment if they tell the truth.
7. Teach the principle of ownership and boundaries.
- A child should have things that belong to him.
- He should not be forced to share them with his friends. Better to say "John, Billy is coming over today. Are there some toys you would rather not play with while Billy is here? We will put them up in the closet. Now, what toys would you like to share with Billy?”
- Ownership implies taking care of possessions.
- Ownership of his body means that no one else is to touch his private parts.
- Teach kids exactly what words to use to actually say no. “No! You may not touch me there!” “No. My Mommy and Daddy said it is wrong to pull your pants down in front of other people.”
8. Teach him to recognize the difference between the things he can control and can’t control.
- He can’t control the fact that the swimming trip got rained out; but he can control whether he stays in a bad mood all day because of it.
- Children must learn to adapt to reality, which is the definition of mental health. They should not expect reality to conform to them, which is the definition of mental illness.
- Here is the link for the rest of this Character Development Training Plan.
I want to close our time by observing God’s four step training process, which comes from Deut 6:4-6 STEP 1: You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. We lead from our lives, going hard after obedience to Christ even after we fail him. STEP 2 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. Jesus said, "If you live me, keep my commandments. This step is vital for our careful obedience. STEP 3 You shall teach them diligently to your children. The Hebrew word here suggests memorization, i.e. imprinting somethng on the mind. STEP 4 and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. Talking about how Scriptire applies in everyday situations throughout the day is the final step. This verse is challenging. The fathers of the OT for the most part, failed to do it. But WE have the power of Christ in us through the Holy Spirit, that we might succeed in this vital role as fathers.
For Further Prayerful Thought
- What thoughts come to your mind as you think about the four biblical ways that God has ordained to restrain human evil mentioned, and the current crime wave in our cities?
- When you think about the biblical responsibility that Christian fathers have to teach our children the way they should go following the example of Joshua, David, and Solomon, what thoughts come into your mind? Our podcast wants to give a correct (big enough) vision of masculinity; but does this responsibility seem overwhelming?
- As you considered various starting places the podcast mentioned for where a father or grandfather might think through the content (curriculum) he needs to pass on, what thoughts came to mind?
