Developing Champions

This episode addresses an aspect of stewardship that you may have never thought about, at least I didn’t until this week. Stewards are those entrusted with great resources. The parable of the Ten Talents teaches us that we are to cause a treasure entrusted to us to be developed and utilized for the kingdom. Scripture tells us that preachers are stewards of the mysteries of God, every Christian is a steward of the gifts of grace given him, and overseers are stewards of every lamb entrusted to their care. In a parallel sense, I believe that fathers are assigned the stewardship responsibility by God of developing the potential of our children. They are precious treasures entrusted to us. But like gold that needs to be refined, or rough diamonds that need to be cut and polished, they need us to develop the full potential that God built into them.

When we consider God’s call to the first man in Genesis 2:15, we recall that Adam was put into the garden to cultivate it, i.e. to develop the potential of the garden and its inhabitants. Developing that potential is a man’s calling as a husband, father, and in broader society, a worker in his vocation. This episode answers the question, “What do dads need to do to develop their child’s potential, i.e. to be faithful stewards of this treasure entrusted to us, not just because we love them, but because God has important contributions for them to make to his world.”  

Being a “steward” of our children’s potential is another way of calling attention to the third function of spiritual leadership in the home, which we’ve been studying—EQUIP and EMPOWER. We’ve seen that the first leadership function is to stay focused on the goal of growing in Christ, so that we lead from our lives. We then examined the second function of leadership, which is building our relationship with our followers. Leaders gain the influence they need by winning the hearts of their followers through intentionally serving them and caring for their needs.

At present we are in a study of the third function of leadership, one that is often neglected by Christian fathers, equipping and empowering them with what they need to move down the path of spiritual maturity. Feb 2nd, we examined how to use the ultimate equipping tool—the Word of God. Today, we want to examine three additional practical ways to equip and empower our kids and grandkids to keep walking down the discipleship path following Jesus. When we consider this often-neglected function of fatherhood, it is mind-boggling to realize that we spend hundreds of thousands of dollars putting our kids through college to equip them to reach their potential vocationally but in most cases give little thought to how to equip and empower them spiritually.

THREE WAYS TO EMPOWER OUR KIDS FOR SPIRITUAL SUCCESS

A. Help them discover and celebrate their unique God-given design. After working with teens for over twenty years at his Christian sports camp for teens, Joe White came to a powerful conclusion—every tragic teen problem has a common root: low self-esteem. Research shows what they are up against:

• Parents give 10 negative comments to every positive one
• Schools give 18 negative statements to every positive one.
• By the time kids graduate they’ve heard 15,000 negative statements
• When kids enter 5th grade, 80% of them feel good about themselves but when they leave, just 10% feel good about themselves.

The answer is not, everybody gets a trophy or failing kids get a passing grade. The starting point is to help them know they have been shaped perfectly by God for their mission. The. Psalmist sang,

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made…I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them (Ps 139:13-16).

Notice the connection between the weaving together of the child and the days that were written for him. He has been perfectly designed FOR what he will be doing each day. Paul captures this thought when he explains that although good works don’t earn our salvation, they are what we were saved FOR. He writes,

For by grace, you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them (Eph 2:8-10). Each of our children has been perfectly designed to accomplish the good works that God prepared beforehand that he should accomplish.

Shaping our child’s self-image by repeatedly reminding him of these truths is foundational, but it only goes so far. What is much more powerful is for our child to see his unique giftedness. Here are some practical ways to do this. First help him discover which of the seven spiritual gifts given in Romans 12:6-8 best match him. All Christians are commanded to discover and use their spiritual gifts.

Spiritual Gifts of Romans 12

1. PROPHET: (PROPHETES) which means “to speak forth openly.” He was the mouthpiece of God, prosecuting his covenant lawsuit against his people for their sin. The OT prophet often supernaturally predicted the future consequences of Israel’s sin. The NT prophet also warns of the consequences of sin  but he uses God’s written Word. He is God’s oncologist, identifying evil and cutting through rationalizations to remove the cancer of sin, calling for repentance. Peter seems to have had this gift. Some sample characteristics are:

• Quick to detect and point out sin.
• Tendency to be blunt.
• Set and demand a high standard of moral behavior by believers.
• Very convictional and will not compromise when they believe they are right.

2. SERVER (DIAKONIA). This is the inward motivation to express Christ’s love by meeting practical needs. People with this gift love the touch of the physical—they like mowers, mops, wrenches, saws, drills, pots, pans, soundboards and computers. Some sample characteristics are:

• Having radar that sees practical needs with a motivation to immediately meet them to assist others.
• Finding joy in taking care of practical needs to free up those they love to do other things.
• Very happy being in the background, which they prefer but do need to feel appreciated.

3. TEACHER (DIDASKALOS) Just as Microsoft Office’s Word has spell check, those with this gift are the doctrine check for the church. In fact, the root meaning of DIDASKALOS is doctrine. This person is not so much one who loves teaching (as perhaps a schoolteacher) as one who loves to do detailed research, like a PhD professor. The DIDASKALOS’ focus is always on the accuracy of what is being taught. Dr. Luke seems to have had this gift. He introduces his gospel with the words: Just as those who from the beginning were eyewitnesses and ministers of the word have delivered them to us, it seemed good to me also, having followed all things closely for some time past, to write an orderly account for you…. THAT YOU MAY HAVE CERTAINTY concerning the things you have been taught. Some sample characteristics are:

• Their teaching is often so detailed that it is boring.
• They care about the details of the context of a verse and the related doctrines that are guardrails for the text’s correct interpretation.
• Unlike exhorters, they are typically not good at applying Scripture

4. EXHORTATION (PARAKLESIS) from PARA along side + KALEW to call to the side. The exhorter is given by God to the church to help believers apply Scripture to everyday life. It is noteworthy that this spiritual gift is the same word used to describe the Holy Spirit (PARAKLETE) whose role in the plan of salvation (planned by the Father and carried out by the Son) is to apply the work of salvation. Some sample characteristics are:

• Have an innate ability to apply Scripture to life.
• Focused on helping others build Christ-like character.
• Love the book of Proverbs, the Sermon on the Mount, and the book of James for their practical wisdom to make everyday life work as God intends.
• Focused on helping the church get its members discipling one another.

5. GIVING (THE ONE WHO CONTRIBUTES) Those with this gift play a vital role in God’s plan to finance the work of ministry. That plan is: 1) Christians who tithe, 2) emergency, crisis-giving such as we see in Acts 2 to care for new converts who had come to faith on the Day of Pentecost, but were outstaying their money supply to hear the Apostle’s further teaching, 3) those in the Body of Christ with the gift of giving contributing financially as a primary spiritual motivation. Matthew may have had this spiritual gift. Those who have it are very conscious of the resources required to finance a call from God. Matthew was the only gospel writer who mentioned the treasures brought by the Magi, described Mary’s ointment as very precious, and Joseph’s tomb as new. Some sample characteristics are:

• Usually, have the ability to earn above average income.
• Personally frugal to free funds for kingdom work but generous to others.
• Resist pressure appeals for funds. Give quietly to kingdom projects.
• Often, very interested in overseas mission work.

6.LEADERSHIP (PROISTEMI) to stand before. This is the God-given ability to enlist a group of people to help accomplish a task that honors Christ. This is not the same as administration—it is the ability to influence others to come with you in your pursuit of kingdom objectives. Some sample characteristics are:

• Goal focused.
• Have the ability to win a following and build a motivated team captured by a vision that matters to them.
• See clearly the talent and resources needed to reach the goal.
• Accurately evaluate how their team members’ strengths do or do NOT match their personnel needs and are committed to getting the right people in place, and removing the wrong ones.

7. MERCY SHOWER (ELEO) to feel sympathy for the misery of others. It has been suggested that the mercy shower is mentioned after everyone else in the Body has done their ministry, because the mercy shower binds up the wounds of those hurt in the process. God gives his heart of mercy to some in the Body of Christ for the purpose of sensing those who are in emotional turmoil to gently, tenderly bind up their wounds. John, known as the Apostle of Love, and the disciple Jesus loved, appears to be a mercy shower. Some sample characteristics are:

• Primary motivation is to care for others, not reach a program objective.
• In his view, oneness, fellowship, and love ARE the objective.
• Keeps calling the church to ministries of mercy to the poor, oppressed, suffering, and disenfranchised.
• Thinks, relationally, about everything. Caring for each other trumps all.

Why not print out these seven gifts and read them to your children asking them which gift they think they match best? 

Helping your children see how they match one or two of these descriptions is beneficial both for you to understand them and for them to understand themselves. Another lens through which we can help our children value their gifting is Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages. Chapman identifies five biblical ways of showing love to one another and speculates that each of us tends to lean towards one of those ways to both give love and feel the love of others. I remember sitting at breakfast with my kids and asking them, “Which of these do you think would make you feel most loved? Giving you: words of encouragement, a big hug, quality time together, help with something hard they had to do, or a nice gift?” My son Brian shot up his hand and asked, “How big is the gift?” I knew what he was thinking. “That new Nintendo 64 would make me feel very loved!” I wrote down all their responses and have used them over the years to understand and love them.

Two additional categories of tools can help equip our kids with confidence that they are perfectly, uniquely designed for their mission. First, surveys that help link their interests to specific vocational pursuits. We found the YES--Youth Exploration Survey very helpful for guiding our kids, vocationally. The second category is temperament surveys like DiSC and Myers Briggs. One year, on our family vacation, my son and daughter-in-law got us all to take the online Myers Briggs survey. It reminded us that this son and wife are INTROVERTS, which is why they wanted us all to take the online survey since introverts need time alone, disengaged from people to emotionally replenish. God made us all differently and the non-introverts in the family now realize their need to disengage from the family.

B. Invest in your one-on-one relationship with each child. In Paul’s first letter to the church at Thessalonica, he was defending himself against the charge that he did not care about them. His response was to remind them of his treatment of them when he had been with them. For you know how, like a father with his children, we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory. (I Thes 2:11-12) What a great picture of the multifaceted benefit of investing in our personal relationship with each child. Notice three different ways that fathers use words to individually motivate their children.

1. I exhorted each of you. This Greek word is a combination of PARA which means beside and KALEO, which means to call. It refers to one-on-one support, another beside you to give direction, encouragement, and motivation. In fact, the root of the English word, “exhort” is incite, which means to move to action, to stir up, to spur on.
2. I encouraged each of you. This Greek word is a combination of PARA, beside or near, and MUTHIA speech. It is often translated console or comfort. It refers to more intimate words spoken with tenderness because the one hearing them is vulnerable or in pain. These are words like “I know it hurts; but you’ll get through this,” “If anybody can get through this it is you,” “I know its crushing; but God won’t let go of your hand as He walks with you through this.”
3. I charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory. This is the same Greek word as bearing witness. It seems to mean appealing to the gravity of a situation. The English word "charge" means literally to put under a load. A verbal charge appeals to the weightiness of a situation, its solemnity and significance.

All three of these categories of fatherly words suggest a one-on-one conversation. We get one-one-one opportunities through intentionality, either putting them on the calendar or utilizing opportunities that are already there. Before my kids got busy with high school activities, I took a different one out to breakfast on my day off. There are millions of ways to get one-on-one time. One of my sons and I would ride our bikes up to the center of town for a coke. But along the way we would stop and rotate reading pages from a book in the My Magic Treehouse series. I wanted to equip him to read a little better, and knowing how active he was by nature this was my approach. So, the second way to equip our kids is to invest in one-on-one time.

C. Empower them for spiritual success by supplying them with spiritual power. As we know, their spiritual journey following King Jesus is opposed by three evil forces—their sinful nature that seeks to overpower them, the fallen world that seeks to entice their hearts away from Jesus, and Satan who lies to them.

When it comes to us empowering them for this journey, it is valuable to remember that even Jesus did not have enough personal influence to take his followers down the path to spiritual maturity—without praying for them. Jesus unveiled this truth, when he said, Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers. Our kids need not only to be equipped for their growth as disciples of Jesus but EMPOWERED, which is why Paul urged us to see what Jesus saw. We do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore…..be praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints.

James makes the same appeal pointing to one of the mightiest defeats of evil in the entire OT—Elijah’s obliteration of Baal worship. James says, The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed fervently that it might not rain, and for three years and six months it did not rain on the earth. Then he prayed again, and heaven gave rain, and the earth bore its fruit. Do you ever feel helpless in steering your children or grandchildren down the path towards surrender to Jesus? We are not. Praise God we can pour out our love for each child, child’s spouse, and each grandchild by praying for them, which has great power. James uses two words to describe the might of prayer because one is not enough. The adjective is strong. This is strong power. The word for power is ENERGES, from which we get energy. Prayer gives to our loved ones the spiritual energy they need for their battles. But THEY will not receive it if WE don’t ask God to give it to them. You have not, because you ask not (James 4:2).

For Further Prayerful Thought:

1. As you read through the descriptions of the seven spiritual gifts in Romans 12, were there some people who seemed to match some of the gifts? How might understanding these gifts help Christians and family members better get along?
2. Do you agree that one-one-one time is indispensable for building a father/child or father/grandchild relationship? Which category of words do you need to use more—words that incite action, tenderly console, or give a sober challenge?
3. When God makes such staggering promises about the power of prayer, why don’t we practice if more to give our loved ones more spiritual energy to follow Jesus? If you are wondering what to pray for, here are some of Paul’s prayers (Ephesians 3:14-19, Philippians 1:9-11, Colossians 1:9-11).