The ideology of modern educators who are trying to eradicate toxic masculinity by feminizing boys could be summed up “men are basically defective girls.” Certainly, in a world that has seen the #me-too movement prove the widespread existence of abusive males, Christians need to actively oppose toxic masculinity. This episode asks, “Thinking biblically, what is and what is not the solution to toxic masculinity?”
Toxic masculinity is a term recently made popular in academic and media circles to describe the male aggression that leads to sexual assault, domestic violence, and bullying. In my view, Christians today should be leading the way in the fight against toxic masculinity for the honor of Christ, because the world needs self-giving manhood, and because so many of the solutions to toxic masculinity being offered in our culture are destructive. Here are four solutions we need to reject and recognize as harmful to our loved ones.
A. Blaming toxic masculinity on “biblical patriarchy.” According to Wikipedia toxic masculinity is caused by “the socialization of boys in PATRIARCHAL societies.” Feminists blame biblical patriarchy—assigning leadership in the marriage, home, and church to men—for toxic masculinity that oppresses women. For example, sociologist Sylvia Walby, believes patriarchy is, by definition, "a system of social structures and practices in which men dominate, oppress, and exploit women." But is the Biblical structure which assigns leadership in the home and church in the OT and NT this kind of oppressive patriarchy? Let’s dig deeper.
Patriarchy—literally is “the rule of the father,” from PATER (father) + ARCHE (ruler). Historians tell us that Roman households were patriarchal; the father had absolute power to rule. Under Roman law, the PATER FAMILIAS was the oldest living male in a household and exercised autocratic authority over his extended family. But neither Israel in the OT, nor the church in the NT were patriarchies, by this definition. Leadership assigned to men in those cultures never meant giving them total moral, or legal power to harm anyone. No Israelite or Christian wife or child was under the naked, individual, capricious RULE of an all-powerful father. Both Israelite citizens and church members were under the RULE OF LAW, held accountable in the OT to God’s moral law by the elders of the city. In the church, husbands and fathers are accountable to Christ, the Head of the church, whose authority is exercised through the rule of church elders. The often-repeated accusation that the Bible teaches oppressive patriarchy is based on ignorance—both ignorance about what the term, patriarchy, means and ignorance about biblical culture. Though based on complete nonsense, blaming toxic masculinity on biblical patriarchy has had an impact—a harmful one. It drives non-believers away from Christianity, a religion they conclude oppresses women. Such attacks also weaken Christians husbands’ resolve to lead their homes and their wives’ resolve to “submit to their own husbands as to the Lord” (Eph 5:22). We need to stand against this false accusation.
B. The second way some in our culture seek to stop toxic manhood is by suppressing discussion about gender differences, i.e. by labeling any mention of gender differences “sexist.” Radical feminists believe that gender is a social construct imposed on culture by mostly white men to oppress women. Getting rid of gender differences and stereotypes will therefore end the practice of oppressing women. Anything that reinforces gender differences would lead to unjust abuse of women. In their book, The Grand Design: Male and Female He Made Them, authors Owen Strachen and Gavin Peacock describe our culture’s deconstruction of God’s design of humans as male or female:
Many people today believe secularism. They pursue androgyny. As a result, boys want to be girls today and girls want to be boys. Many men embrace the traits and attitudes traditionally associated with womanhood. Many women do the same with manhood. Both sides avoid at all costs hard and fast stereotypes. The ultimate transgression today is to fit into past concepts of the sexes … Men have grown increasingly passive, effeminate, and unsure of themselves. Women have become increasingly manly, and aggressive… These are hard words today, but they sum up the drift of a secularizing world.
When it comes to understanding gender, Christians have something far, far better to offer our children and culture than the blurring of gender differences. It is an integrated view of body and soul that sees God’s design of male and female to be glorious. Differences between male and female are not arbitrary or accidental, but intentional. God created them. They are designed to be different so that they can complete one another. The identity and roles of male and female in Scripture are not interchangeable. As one scholar observes, Sexuality permeates one’s individual being to its very depth; it conditions every facet of one’s life as a person. As the self is always aware of itself as an “I,” so this “I” is always aware of itself as himself or herself. Our self-knowledge is indissolubly bound up not simply with our human being but with our sexual being.
In other words, seeking to eradicate God’s intentional design of male and female to be different, with different roles in marriage, the family, and the church is psychologically very destructive, striking at the core of one’s very identity.
C. A third wrong way to combat toxic masculinity is for Christians to abandon clear Biblical teaching about gender, because the culture doesn’t like it. Those who reject gender roles in marriage, the home, and the church choose our culture’s egalitarianism over the Word of God. They rationalize that the clear NT teaching about male leadership in the home and church was just Paul not wanting to disrupt the tradition of the Roman family codes (as if Paul, who was stoned three times and executed for his faith, would change his teaching to appease Roman society!) When Tim Keller was asked why the Gospel Coalition required affirming complementarianism, his argument was “what opponents of complementarianism do to Scripture to reach their conclusions.” Here is such an example of abandoning Scripture. It is from a Christianity Today article, entitled Leaving Patriarchy in the Past, which reviews John Stackhouse’s book, Partners in Christ: A Conservative Case for Egalitarianism:
Stackhouse acknowledges that certain New Testament passages embrace a sweeping complementarian viewpoint. He maintains, however, that once a culture has left its patriarchal origins behind, these passages are no longer meant to be obeyed.
This article reeks of arrogance, i.e. assuming that our current Western egalitarian culture, which calls viewing differences in male and female roles sexist, is enlightened more than every other culture that has not “left patriarchy behind.” The fact is that outside of current Western culture, nearly every culture of the world for thousands of years has recognized that men are to be the leaders of the homes. It is OUR culture, which denies obvious differences between men and women that is blind to reality.
D. The fourth destructive response to toxic masculinity is our sons being emasculated by a culture that is hostile to testosterone. Here is an excerpt from an article by David French, The Feminization of Everything Fails Our Boys:
Our society is unlearning masculinity, it’s feminizing every stage of male life, and boys are paying a steep price…Stereotypically male characteristics of aggression, risk-taking, and high-energy work and play are “toxic” and need to be medicated or educated right out of the home…Adding to the feminized home is the feminized school, complete with its zero tolerance, mortal fear of anything remotely martial, and its relentless emphasis on compassion and nurturing rather than exploration and adventure. We love the Earth. We don’t conquer it. Elementary school is a place of hugs, not conflict, and play is to be peaceful above all else. No more re-enacting the Battle of the Bulge. No more toy guns. No more drawings of tanks mowing through stick-figure Nazi hordes. And when nature asserts itself against the ideologue’s wishes? Medication and education take their toll. In place of teaching men to channel their aggression and adventurous spirits in productive ways, we ask them to stifle their truest natures. In place of teaching them to protect others, we lie and declare all violence to be bad. Instead of telling the truth that men and women are different, we try to transform men into women (National Review).
Those who are following the above four ways of combatting toxic masculinity are not our enemies. Praise God, they know toxic masculinity misses the mark. Written on their hearts is the law of God, and a sense of how things ought to be. It is quite likely that even in the hearts of ardent feminists, there is still a little girl wanting to be a beautiful princess, harboring the silent question in her heart, “Am I lovely enough for anyone to pursue ME?" “Will a prince ever delight in ME?” “Will anyone want ME?” “Will anyone fight for ME?” In her dream, there is a prince who overcomes whatever obstacles he must battle to prove his love for HER. Through his strength and valor, he wins her heart. On horseback, they ride off to their new life together, living happily ever after. John Eldredge observes:
Fairy tales, literature, music, and movies all borrow from this mythic theme. Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Helen of Troy, Romeo and Juliet, Anthony and Cleopatra, Arthur and Guinevere, Triston and Isolde. From ancient fables to the latest blockbuster, the theme of a strong man coming to rescue a beautiful woman is universal to human nature. It is written on our hearts, one of the core desires of every man and every woman (Wild at Heart).
Those from other cultures have different names for their romantic tales. I believe these stories of romance are universal because they point to THE STORY OF ROMANCE, written on every human heart in shadows because it is the gospel story. We are the future bride of Christ seeking to make ourselves beautiful while we await his arrival (Rev 19:8). Jesus is the bridegroom who overpowers Satan, Sin, and Death to rescue us, draws us to himself with the cords of love, and brings us with him into the adventure of being kings and queens who rule over the kingdom he has renewed.
Our lost culture knows TOXIC MASCULINITY isn’t the way manhood is supposed to be. Sadly, many mistakenly attack the second of these two words, MASCULINITY. What they need to see is that in Christ men have the resources attack the first word, TOXIC. They need to see godly manhood. The answer to toxic masculinity is YOU and ME. We need to show the world godly manhood that seeks to satisfy our masculine heart desires righteously. We’ve been studying that portrait (episodes 40-46), God’s Design of the Heart Passions that Drive Men And How to Satisfy them Righteously. As we close this series let’s review: Men’s hearts are designed to NEED:
A KING to HONOR. Men are designed with an enormous capacity for loyalty to a Commander-In-Chief we want to please. But as James points out that requires battling the desire for the approval of others. We looked at four ways to intensify desire to please god and reduce desire to be people-pleasers:
- Understand that being liked by everyone is not a panacea but a trap. The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe (Prov 29:25)
- Expect to not fit in to the world. Jesus said, If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.
- Realize what a privilege it is to give God pleasure. That is the definition of pleasing God. Out of gratefulness and love for him, we can give him this gift!
- Jesus is worthy of our supreme allegiance. There is no more decorated warrior, no more compelling commander, no more loving master, no more inspiring example, no more deserving king.
A SPHERE of EARTH to SUBDUE. Most men dream of greatness--of having a major impact on the world. Such dreams should not surprise us since men are created for impact; that is why God placed Adam in the Garden of Eden, to transform it, to enable it to reach its full potential, to cause the world and culture to flourish. God wants us to impact our worlds by setting a standard of excellence in our work, cultivating our wife’s spiritual growth, planting some vital nutrients into our children’s hearts, and strategically preparing the soil of our non-Christian friends to receive the gospel. We spend ourselves so others flourish. But the key to actually having impact is staying focused.
A BATTLE to FIGHT. God designed Adam to be the protector/warrior of the garden. We are called by God to protect those around us, especially our families, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Understandably, most Christian men struggle to understand what it means to be a spiritual warrior. Here are some of Satan’s tactics:
- Destroy the faith of Christians by getting us to doubt God’s goodness.
- Accuse us of sin even when it has been confessed and forgiven.
- Entice us by making sin seem attractive.
- Erect strongholds, i.e. opinions in our minds, that are completely false.
- Deny the severity of sin’s cost, You will not surely die (Gen 3:4).
- Dissipate your time and energy so you don’t have enough left to fight him.
A BEAUTY to LOVE. In Genesis 2:18-25, the story of Eve’s creation, we saw five practical ways to help our current or future marriage thrive:
- Adam is inadequate by himself; he NEEDS Eve to complete him, which means respecting our wives’ opinions and telling them we need them.
- The process of observing and naming the animals seems designed to cause Adam to APPRECIATE Eve. Wives need continual words of appreciation.
- Loving our wives “as our own bodies” means paying close attention to them (because that is how we treat our bodies).
- In a fallen world, leading our homes is hard. But we can’t surrender to the cowardly impulse to relinquish our responsibility as the head of our homes.
- Loving Our wives well means generating conversations to help her safely share her heart with us and taking the risk of revealing our heart to her.
A BROTHER to WORK and FIGHT BESIDE: The pleasure men find in camaraderie, especially in a tough fight, as well as the example of Jesus’ male friendships show that men need a brother to labor and fight beside. God never intended Christian men to fight their spiritual battles alone, yet the majority are. In today’s world, the stakes are too high, the battle too fierce, the enemy too wily, the attacks too frequent, the cost of defeat too severe for any Christian man to be fighting his spiritual battles alone.
A HERITAGE to PASS ON: Abraham’s covenant responsibility as the head of his home was to build his heritage into succeeding generations. God said about Abraham, I have chosen him, that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice, so that the Lord may bring to Abraham what he has promised him (Gen 18:19) OT history reveals that the fathers rarely obeyed this fatherhood calling. The good news is that The Messiah came because God’s covenant people could not keep their covenant responsibilities in their own strength. Jesus has come to turn the hearts of fathers to impact their children and turn the hearts of the children to embrace their spiritual heritage. Jesus can empower us to recover this vital responsibility in God’s kingdom of building a godly legacy.
For Further Prayerful Thought:
1. Which of these 6 pursuits is the easiest for you to ignore?
2. In reviewing some of the practical applications for these pursuits, which practical applications do you most want to remember?
